At the beginning of the year, I got into a car accident and broke my right hand. For 6 weeks my entire right hand was in a big purple cast. I had to rely on teachers, family, and friends to assist me in doing the simplest things such as brushing my teeth or taking a test. Even something as simple as writing legibly was impossible for me to do. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to have to try harder and do more in order to live my life as I had before my injury. I was going to have to accept the fact that I needed help.

Thankfully, the cast was only on for six weeks, but it definitely took a toll on me. Long term illness isn't always as black and white as a broken bone. When I was initially diagnosed with bulimia, I didn't completely understand what that meant. I heard the diagnosis and was given my treatment options, but I didn't really grasp what this diagnosis meant for my life. I was prepared for the weekly doctor's appointments and weigh-ins; what I was not prepared for was the fear of food, the struggle with my body image, and the journey of building up my self esteem. I wasn't prepared for the pain and confusion that comes along with treating an illness that cannot be seen. I wasn't prepared for the difficulty of restarting the recovery process after a relapse.

In the early stages of my recovery, I took the pills and showed up to the appointments. I gave vague answers to the questions and considered that recovery. I continued to build myself up for short periods of time and then relapse. I was confused as to why my "treatment" wasn't working. Mental illness is tricky. You can't directly see it or touch it or even always comprehend the feelings that come along with it. This makes it difficult to come to terms with. How can you comprehend an illness that you can't see or touch? How can you understand progress when there is no physical proof of it?

Mental illness is difficult to manage. Most mental illnesses have no textbook definition simply because they affect everyone so differently. Depression can affect one person one way and affect another person in a completely different way. Before recovery can begin, we must come to terms with our illnesses. We need to recognize that some days it's just harder for us to get out of bed without a little bit of help. In a society that stresses being strong and unbreakable, it's difficult to come to terms with illness. Illnesses are seen as something that makes us less than whole; whether it's anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, etc., they keep us from being or feeling completely capable.

We often find ourselves being in denial of what we have, simply because we are afraid to face what it means. We don't want to seem incapable or unworthy. But what we need to realize is that mental illness doesn't make us either of those things. We need to start acknowledging our efforts and stop breaking ourselves down because of our failures or mistakes. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of or afraid of; it's an obstacle that can be overcome.