In honor of Coming Out Month, I've compiled a list of some of the reactions, questions, and comments I have received after coming out to some people. While they're not all direct quotations, I have paraphrased them as accurately as I can. Hopefully reading this will teach some people that these aren't exactly appropriate or helpful comments to make to people in the LGBTQ+ community.
1. You’re gay?! Really? You don’t look gay.
There is no "gay" look. Despite whatever stereotypes you may believe, queer people come in all shapes and sizes. Someone's appearance is not the determining factor of whether or not they are gay or bi.
2. But you’re more of the woman in the relationship, right?
Well, we both are. That's kind of the point.
3. But you’re so pretty.
I know this may seem like a complement on the surface, but it's really not. By saying this, you're indicating that lesbians are not typically pretty, which is false and rude. You're attempting to sum up someone's identity strictly by their looks.
4. I would have never guessed.
Well, now you don't have to! Try not to incessantly voice your disbelief when someone comes out to you. It's not helpful.
5. What a waste!
This is a common phrase queer women hear from straight men, which essentially tries to determine our worth in relation to them. If you're gay, then that means they can't have you, therefore your potential is wasted because God forbid a woman is something other than a sexual object for men to claim.
6. Oh. That’s okay.
Thanks, but I am well aware that it's okay. Just because someone comes out to you does not mean they are searching for your validation or approval. It's simply a fact to get out in the open every time a coworker or classmate asks if you have a boyfriend.
7. Have you ever been with a guy?
This is a very intrusive and inappropriate question. If someone wants to share their past sexual history with you, they will. Don't try to coerce it out of them. Also, it's kind of none of your business.
8. Would you want to hook up with a guy?
This is also inappropriate and quite redundant, frankly. Why would you ask a woman who clearly identifies as a lesbian if she would want to be with a man? I feel like the word lesbian is pretty self-explanatory.
9. Would you hook up with a guy if he was a hot celebrity?
A man's celebrity status will not just magically change my sexual orientation.
10. You should try it just once to see if you like it.
I've mostly heard this from men, naturally, and the implication tends to be that they could be involved in that "once". First of all, that's gross. Secondly, don't tell me what to do. Also, maybe you should try having sex with a man if it means that much to you.
11. It must be so much easier to date another girl.
It's really not. Relationships are still difficult, regardless of the gender identities of the people involved. Homophobia also tends to put a damper on things.
12. What happens if you have your periods at the same time?
Then we both have our periods at the same time. Logic is a wonderful thing.
13. What do you consider sex?
Once again, this is a very intrusive question and is also none of your business. If you're truly not aware of the various types of sex people can have, educate yourself. Use Google. There are plenty of quality sex education YouTube videos. It is not my job to do that for you.
14. Oh, I could never do that.
Well, you don't have to. Lucky you. There's no need to affirm your heterosexuality when someone comes out. They're not hitting on you. Chill.
15. It’s not real sex, though.
Oh, but it is.
*Most of these comments have come from people I am not close friends with
