What does it mean to come out? What am I coming out of? They say it's a closet, but I have never hidden inside a closet. I have always known who I am and what I feel.
It was just avoidance or denial of reality I was going through.
That is the same thing my parents and family might have gone through. It is something that is quite obvious. All I did was verify their wonders about me, all I did was share something more about myself.
The whole coming out thing only makes me feel more separate from everyone else. It makes me feel like I am not human. It adds more attention on me, as if I'm a specimen in a science class, as they wonder why my sexual/romantic attraction is not towards a woman-identified person. It is another label on top of being queer/gay/etc.
Why do I need another form of identification?
Instead of being happy with the ability to love, I feel condemned because I had to come out in order to do so.
Just the idea of having to go through a coming out process, made me want to avoid it. The stigma that currently exists brought so many ideas of how my life would terminate after going through it. It brought tears and pain with just a thought of it. It made me desire to be someone else, wondering why I could not have been born heterosexual. It increased my self-loathing.
I don't want someone to go through that process. I don't want anyone to wish they were anyone but themselves. I don't want anyone to harm themselves because of a situation someone expects them to go through.
As much as my desire is to just have a sharing process of who one is or to affirm others of who one is. There are consequences to a person's life when announcing you're not straight. It's not a joke.
My dream is to see that diversity is finally in place and embraced.
That everyone feels like they can be themselves and love freely.