When your heart breaks because of other peoples’ ignorance is the day to have a thicker skin. On June 24th, it was Pride day in Cleveland. It was a day to celebrate in honor of the Stonewall Riot in 1969. That was also the day I came out as bisexual to my parents and that experience was not a great picture. To give you some background information about myself, I am an Asian American with traditional parents.
I want to live as honestly as I can but in my heart, there was something missing. I’ve always known I was into girls and guys romantically when I was a child. Whenever someone asks me who is my celebrity crush, my mind always shows an image of a female celebrity such a YouTuber, Ally Hills and Actress, Mariska Hargitay. Don’t get me wrong; I do have male celebrity crushes as well but not very often.
Even though I had female crushes on celebrities, I rarely had crushes on females that I knew but I did in the fall of 2016. Although it was an unrequited love, it was still a love nonetheless and that was the day I fully realized and accepted that I was bisexual but I was ashamed at first. I was ashamed because in my head I kept thinking, “Of course she wouldn’t like you back, she’s probably straight and she has male suitors waiting in line to go on a date with her.”
So I felt heartbroken for a few months but then I went on YouTube and found a YouTuber named Ally Hills. When I heard her “Coming Out” song, I suddenly felt less ashamed and more hopeful. After watching that song, I told a few close friends that I was bisexual and I was lucky to have great friends who accepted and supported me.
Even though my friends knew I was bisexual, I wanted to keep it a secret to those that are strangers because I felt as if it was not their business. My sexuality isn’t the most interesting thing about me so why would I want to address it in every conversation?
Although Ally Hills’ song helped me accept myself and had hope for love, it was YouTuber Shannon Beveridge’s video “What Coming Out Feels Like Tag” that inspired me to come out as Bisexual to my parents.
The thought of telling my parents, especially my mom about me being bisexual was a scary thought because I didn’t know what her reaction would be. In her mind, she thinks people who are in the LGBT community are mentally ill or not normal. For some reason, I thought, because I’m her daughter, she would support and accept me. You want to know what her reaction was? To my surprise, her reaction was, “No, don’t think like that. You are a girl, you should marry a man that can provide and protect you. You should not only date a man but also marry within your own race.”
I kept explaining to her that I had feelings for girls just like I do for a guy. Nothing about me has changed but it just so happens that I like both genders romantically and I do see myself with either gender in the future. She still wouldn’t accept or want to understand my feelings. Instead, she keeps telling me what gender and race I should marry in the future even though I told her, “I can’t help who I fall in love with. It wouldn’t matter the gender nor race, as long as the person is a kind human being. After our conversation, my mom immediately told my dad what I said. I overheard my mom telling my dad, “I told her she is a girl so she has to marry a boy.” My dad did not respond or react to what I said. During dinner, we all talked about other topics such as our summer plans and work to avoid the elephant in the room.
I am sick of hearing people say, “People should not marry the same gender” or “Those LGBT people are disgusting." This is life, after all, people don’t always share the same opinion and that’s ok, but to verbally and sometimes physically abuse them because of who they love is certainly not ok. Funny how there is a saying, “Treat others with respect,” when it seems people often forget what it is to treat people with kindness or respect. If you don’t have anything nice to say, why would you say hurtful things to LGBT couples or to people in general?
In society, there is a pressure that couples should be heterosexual because that is ‘normal.’ Who decided what is normal anyways? Over the years, it seems society has accepted the LGBT community when people in the LGBT community have been among us for decades and are now being acknowledged and represented in the media. It is important to educate others what it means to be lesbian or transgender because there are so many stereotypes that need to be cleared up.
I have been pressured by my parents, especially my mom to marry a boy within my race one day and the thought of that made me ill because I don’t know what the future holds. When my mom said her opinion about me being bisexual, it made me cry. Our conversation made my feel that shame again and it seems as if I had to do everything her way or I’ll disappoint her. She made it seem as if I would have a harder life if I found a girlfriend. Sure, there will always be people making jokes and might look down at us but there will be people who accept and support us.
People should understand that being in the LGBT community are not made up of people who are mentally ill. They are the same person you knew but their sexuality might not be how you expected. There is more than one type of sexuality and not everyone is straight and there is nothing wrong with that.
What’s wrong is how people make others feel ashamed for who they love and that is not ok. I shouldn’t be expected to marry a man and disregard my feelings for females. When my mom disregarded my feelings, I felt as if what I wanted or how I felt did not matter as much as what she wanted for my future.
My sexuality does not define me. There is more to me then my sexuality and people should remember that. If you are someone who does not agree with a gay or lesbian couple holding hands then try and look the other way or if you are worried because you have a kid then you can explain it to them later but please don’t make things harder for people in the LGBT community by saying things such as, “Fags,” or “Get a room,” or anything of that nature.
No one wants to be remembered as being the person who verbally or physically abuses anyone. We are all human beings who are in this world for who knows how long. It is time to accept and support each other and put the differences aside and let love take flight.
