Comfort and happiness seems like two completely opposite subjects. Shouldn't you already know the difference? As stupid as it sounds, I have just recently learned the difference between the two. In a relationship you should feel both comfort and happiness. In fact, missing one will only hurt your relationship. If you're only happy, you are missing the sense of comfort in a relationship. Comfort is key because without comfort you can't be your true self around your significant other. Without happiness in a relationship, it should be obvious how that can ultimately hurt your relationship. However, for me, it was not so obvious and I hope by explaining the difference between the two I can help someone else who was in the same situation that I was in, twice.

Without further adieu, I've been in two serious relationships in my lifetime. Both of which lasted about two years and both which ended really, really, ugly. And would you like to know why? Because I didn't respect myself enough to let go. I had become so entangled with the thought of being in the relationship more than the actual happiness of the relationship. I had become comfortable, way too comfortable. With each relationship, I had made excuses for each bad thing that each boyfriend had done. I blamed myself for everything. And with each fight or each problem, I kept going back for more because I truly believed that one day it was going to work out and one day it was going to change and be the perfect relationship that it once was, clearly that wasn't the case. I'd like to think I have “been there done that" when it comes to relationships. I've verbally abused, mentally and emotionally abused, cheated on, even needed counseling but with each bad thing, I blew it off, blamed myself, and hopped right back into the relationship. I stayed in these relationships because I was comfortable and not because i was happy and I only see that now. Comfort and happiness are completely different things and I'm kinda disappointed in myself that it took me this long to figure it out. My latest relationship ended about two months ago. Since then, I still have moments where I see him in class and think, “what did I do wrong?" Every time after I take a step back, a deep breath and tell myself the truth, “nothing." I couldn't have been a better girlfriend. I did everything right. I loved him with my whole heart and he didn't treat me the way that I deserved to be treated. With that being said, I can tell you first hand that breaking up was the best thing to ever happen to me and it is not because I am 'finally single' but because I am finally starting to realize how toxic the relationship actually had become. I'm finally starting to learn that convincing yourself you are happy because you are comfortable is not how a relationship should go.

So here's my advice, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you the process is easy, because it never is. But if your first reason for not breaking up with someone is simply because you will miss them, please think past that. You will always miss someone whose company you enjoy, that it inevitable. If you are compromising your happiness for how comfortable you feel with then then, a majority of the time, it really is best to move on. It is one of the toughest decisions and it is a guarantee that it will never be fun. In the end, it can only make you a stronger person. I didn't believe it either, but I've come to realize that by staying in such toxic relationships I wasn't hurting anyone except myself.

As a single girl, or any girl for that matter, you need to realize your potential does not lie in the hands of anyone else but your own. Beyonce was still Queen B long before Jay-Z. Beyonce was still just as strong and powerful before marriage as she is after. Be like Beyonce. Find your inner queen and express her in ways that reflect the best you that you can be. If you're like me, your relationship hid you off from the rest of the world. You probably lost some friends and some opportunities all because you put your heart and soul into a relationship with “the one." Well, now he is “the one who got away" and you shouldn't be sobbing over that. Take it as an opportunity to flourish. It's an opportunity to find yourself. I understand you probably feel as though you lost half of your soul. But it's actually the complete opposite. You've gained the chance to reinvent yourself and reinvent the part of your soul that was dulled down due to you compromising your happiness for the comfort you found within a relationship. So go out there and find yourself. Find the piece of yourself that you lost. Find your happiness. The day will come when you find a relationship that balances comfort and happiness but if that day isn't today, or tomorrow, or next year, don't worry about it and don't settle for less than you deserve.