For months there's been anticipation. Anticipation for this foreign land called college; this place where there is no curfew and where you hear legends about eating at 2 a.m. and making lifelong friends and just having the best time of your life. And then suddenly, the day is here. The day where an army of people swarm your car and magically get all your stuff up to your room in .03 seconds, where everything is a whirlwind of unpacking and Walmart shopping trips and crowded hallways and all of it is a blur and a whirl of excitement. And while this is an exciting day, as everyone around me seemed so joyful and excited (and don't get me wrong I was excited too) I couldn't shake the feeling of loss and the impending doom of the goodbye to my parents. Then came that moment — the moment when you have to say bye to the people who have been there for every day of your life and every big moment, including this moment, and you say bye to your parents.
But it's OK, right, because you have this huge welcome group event to go to and you're going to have the time of your life and make a million friends, right? Well maybe for some people that happened, but for me it felt like my heart was aching and I physically had lost something. I lost the childhood that I always so badly wanted to get rid of, I said goodbye to my parents and best friends in one moment and I had never experienced an emotion of loneliness so strongly. I knew I was going to see them in two weeks, and I knew I was lucky to even have such active and loving parents in my life but that didn't change the fact that I was emotionally exhausted and just wanted to go to bed, and when I got in bed I cried myself to sleep.
But one thing my mom always told me was this: it's OK to cry. And although welcome weekend was an exhausting weekend of trying to keep my crap together and figuring out what the heck was happening, I kept holding on to this simple message. It's OK to cry. And It's OK to not be OK.
We're going through the biggest transition so far in our lives. And, maybe for some of you welcome weekend and the first few days of class have been amazing and you've made a ton of friends and everything is going fantastic — if that's you I am truly so happy for you. But, to the kid out there who catches themselves tearing up at random moments, calls their parents every day, and is still struggling with this adjustment — it's OK and I promise you are not alone. I am there with you. I am not OK, yet. Yet.
I have already grown so much in this short time and learned a lot, and I have most importantly seen the faithfulness of God and how he never, ever leaves our side. My first night after crying into my pillow, I reached over for my Bible and began reading my highlighted verses in Psalms and I was so encouraged, and I hope these verses encourage you and remind you that even in this hard time and season of oh so many highs and lows we are truly never alone.
"I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul." — Psalm 31:7
God sees our hurt and pain — even the stuff that we show nobody. We can be glad knowing that he loves us through our pain and that he cares deeply.
"Praise the Lord! For he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of Thanksgiving." — Psalm 28:6-7
Not only has God heard and seen our pain; he has reached out his arms to protect us. In his embrace, his word, and in his love is rest and safety — trust him, he is ready and willing to help and fill our hearts with joy.
"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy." — Psalm 30:11
I am not at the point of joyfully dancing, but I am holding on to the dear words that the Lord is turning my sadness into joy. How much richer is light when you have been in the darkness for a long time? How much greater will our joy be after going through this time of sorrow?
"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while." — 1 Peter 1:6
This is a season. It's healthy and good to accept that you're not OK, it's OK to cry, it's OK to not have a million friends and be happy all the time. It's OK to be overwhelmed, and you do not have to have it together. But the important thing to remember is that this is a season. We will one day be OK, we will one day look back and instead of seeing all the tears we cried and hard days we will see how far we have come and see how the Lord turned those tears into blessings. So, my friend out there who is with me in the not OK boat — trust that there is wonderful joy ahead! I am.
