In college, we learn quite a bit about who we are. Thrust into uncharted territory, we are forced to propel ourselves forward without the comforts of home. (For me, the hardest to let go of was a clean bathtub and my array of scented candles.) But by doing this, by participating in our own independence, we often surprise ourselves. When I got to college, I discovered something about myself that had never crossed my mind before: I am an introvert.
How wonderfully inconvenient.
Recommended for you
Of course, I would figure this out just as I am beginning a new part of my life in the exact place where you can never escape other people: a small university.
You may be asking, “How did you not know you were an introvert?” I even had people who are close to me ask; “Are you sure?” or “You’re an introvert? No, no way.”
Yes, yes way.
Let me tell you a little story, a tid bit about myself. I grew up in a household with four people: my dad, my mom, and my older sister (Oh, and our passive aggressive Australian Shepard, Kelly). My sister and I are five years apart in age and I was always the quiet one so I took advantage of the fact that I could escape her loud music and hide in my room with a book. When she left for college, I was in the midst of middle school, or, as I like to call it, the best years of my life (she said with a wink). I was awkward, I was consumed in pre-teen drama and the idea of being the only kid in the house sounded like the perfect escape. As the years went on, I had gotten comfortable with the idea of being by myself. I was home alone a lot while my parents were at work, I spent time by myself reading and writing or even just watching pointless TV shows. It was my time to recharge. It was what kept me sane. I didn’t have a title for this, it was just my life. It was how I operated and what I was used to.
And then I came to college.
First Year orientation was overwhelming. People were loud, smiling and over excited. I shrunk into myself, afraid of saying something wrong or giving off the wrong impression. Everywhere I went on campus was filled with people. There was no space that felt like mine — not even the creaky mattress of my dorm bed. For awhile, I tried to avoid this feeling of being overwhelmed by socializing as much as I could. I figured that if I was constantly surrounded by friends I wouldn’t have time to worry about myself. But this absolutely drained me. I couldn’t avoid it any longer, I had to acknowledge that I am an introvert and had to find some way to deal with it. And I’ll admit, I still don’t have it all under control. But slowly, I’ve figured some things out. And maybe, it could help out others like myself.
For one, I no longer over compensate with socializing. Being social in college is important, there’s no doubt about that, but I also recognize that I need time to just…be. Whether that is taking an extra long shower, a well-deserved nap or even cuddling up with Netflix, I take time to myself each and every day. At times when I’m feeling upset about my lack of personal space or space to call my own, I take myself on a date. I grab food from the student center, find a spot where there aren’t a large amount of people, turn my phone off and eat. Little things really do make a big difference.
Being an introvert in an environment such as college is not easy, especially when you didn’t know you were an introvert to start with! But what I’ve discovered, for the first time in my life, is that it is actually okay to be a little selfish and put yourself first. This time in our lives is incredible. We are deciding what we want to do and how we will impact the world. Regardless of whether you are an introvert or not, this idea can be really scary. So don’t forget to treat yourself right, because sometimes you have to take a step back, breathe and just…be.
