First thing's first,

you may be damn lucky that you are back.

Yeah, I said that.

I am not a very good person when it comes to accepting apologies. I tend to act like everything is okay, yet I can hold grudges secretly, and people would have no idea. I end up hiding from the world whenever people push me over, or whenever I know I messed up. I'm not perfect. I messed up in my past and I have lost people, whether it was my fault or theirs. I also have been hurt or let down too many times. I guess it is just a normal part of life, and growing up. I went into college knowing so many new faces, where the fact that I left my high school with only a small handful of friends who I still talk to on a daily basis was actually okay for me. I needed to start fresh and leave any negativity that I faced behind.

I noticed, however, that once I got into college that people who I once blocked out of my life completely or have drifted off away from me back in high school have been making better contact with me. The people I drifted off with tried their best to text me and try to make plans for when I came home. I got to admit, it was nice to bring old memories up from back home. I wasn't sure if it was because they were homesick (one friend of mine is now on the other end of the country, bless him) but it was nice to catch up with them.

People I purposefully blocked out of my life tried to come back as well, and this became especially true in the last month. This was one thing I did not take lightly. In fact, it made me stay in my room on weekday nights because I was so mentally drained from it all (apologies to my roommate for being really distant lately...now you know) and I was just so overwhelmed by all the new drama in my life. Friends who I had to block out for my own sake in high school suddenly wanted me to know that I still mattered to them, no matter how they hurt me, or how I may have hurt them.

It made me realize something,

If you end up going to college far away from that person and they apologize, they mean it.

You do not see the person who hurt you every day. If they are so far away from you and the issue still matters to them where they feel the need to apologize to someone they never see, it shows a dramatic amount that they do care. It can also be some sort of closure for the two of you.

If they apologize 2-3+ months after the damage was done, they also mean it.

Time heals all wounds, and that is especially true when it comes to making an apology. Waiting a long period of time means that you thought about it for so long, and after so much time, the problem still means a lot to them and therefore they will gain the courage to come to you and apologize.

If the apology is not sincere, you are NOT entitled to accept it, and they do not mean it.

Use your own judgement when it comes to accepting apologies. If it is half-assed and the person doesn't mention how they were effected by the issue, does not mention what they would fix, or really doesn't act like they really mean their words, you have every right to not accept their apology.

We all make mistakes. It is part of growing up, and finding yourself in the real world. It is okay to let people back into your life, and it is okay to start fresh.

To the people who I am finally letting grudges pass to and am welcoming back into my life (you know who you are), I forgive you.