To the student who lost someone while in college,
Its hard. Its tiring. No one really understands.
There are too many "Are you okay?"s and sympathetic looks. Once everyone finds out, they try their best to be supportive and helpful, but honestly, sometimes its more annoying than anything.
Everyone changes the way they treat you; your friends give you these constant worried looks like you might break down any second, and even the people you barely know suddenly try to console you.
No one understands what its like, and sometimes it feels like they're trying too hard to. The most helpful thing people can do is listen, but too often they just try to give advice.
I don't want your advice. You don't know what I'm going through and no matter what, you will never truly experience what I am experiencing right now. No one experiences it the same way.
Then there's all the things you don't expect.
Nobody tells you that you will just have random thoughts or memories of them in the middle of class, whether or not it was prompted by something in class. Nobody tells you that even though you are returning to your routine, it feels different. It becomes harder to focus. Sometimes you feel hypersensitive, and sometimes you just feel numb. Nobody tells you that you just start to cry in class for no reason. No one tells you how hard it is to tell your 70-year-old professor that your grandpa died, when he's a grandpa too. That is a level of sympathy you can't prepare yourself for.
Honestly, you can't prepare yourself for anything.
Even as I'm writing this article, I'm not sure you will relate. The only thing that stuck with me through this experience was when one friend came to talk to me. She had been through a very similar experience her freshman year, but when she said "I understand what you're going through," she followed it up with, "But honestly I don't, because no one can understand your experience through this."
No one can understand your experience.
That's okay.
But realize that your friends are there for you. Its okay to ask them to tell people to stop asking if you're okay. Its okay to run into their room and cry after you receive texts about funeral arrangements. Don't be afraid to have breakdowns, go for a drive, or whatever helps you process what you're going through.
Its not easy, but it will get better.
I promise.
Love,
The Girl Who Went Through It All
