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College: A Smorgasbord Of Stupidity

Ranging from people who don't feel the need to shower to the ones who still think Adam Sandler is funny.

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College: A Smorgasbord Of Stupidity
Barkley Edison

First off, I am going to start this article off by giving my eighth-grade honors English teacher a “shoutout” (who shall not be named due to her name being ridiculous to say) because she was wrong and said that I would never amount to anything in life, or maybe that was my father, or maybe it was both. Anyways, when I was in eighth grade, my teacher said that my writing was like a mixture between that of Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking. I am here to prove her wrong, or to verify that I do, in fact, suck at writing. If you think the latter, go to hell.

I will now start the article with a story. Growing up, I did pretty well in school. I always had good grades. High school was fairly easy even though I took a majority of AP courses my junior and senior years (except English, obviously). My parents expected all of us in the family to perform well in school. My parents always told me that I needed to be studious because “knowledge comes by eyes always open and working hands” (might have been Ralph Waldo Emerson, or maybe it was Albus Dumbledore…who knows and who cares? It is not important here). I am not trying to toot my own horn with this story, but I was a smart kid. Being somewhat smart shaped me as a person.

Here is where I would have a nice transition sentence, but knowing my idiotic writing style, I’ll just disregard writing one. I started college at the good ole Baker University, and I loved it. For those of you that have not experienced college yet, college is an eye-opening experience. For most people, it is their first taste of being independent of their parents. With this new role of independence, some kids lack the focus to succeed. During my time here at Baker University, I have met some smart and great people, but also I have met people that are the exact opposite. I’ve met people who seemed like they would discover the next big scientific discovery and others that seem like their favorite childhood after school snack were those scented markers and crayons. These “not as gifted” people opened my eyes up to the world and how “unsmart” people and the world can be. Some people lack simple skills like common sense. College is a smorgasbord of stupidity. If you don’t know what a smorgasbord is, please look it up.

What I am trying to get at is: do not be surprised by how senseless some people can be. College is a place to be studious, but to also have the time of your life. Hell, noticing how smart you are compared to others might give you that self-esteem boost that you always needed. For the people like me, who have the hobby of people-watching, college is excellent for that. It lets you see people act in ways that you would not expect. Even though Baker University is a small, private liberal arts college, you get to observe and experience the whole spectrum of people and stupidity. It is pretty spectacular if you think about it.

Basically, what I wanted to talk about for my first article is that college is a drastic change when it comes to the people you meet. This article is not meant to harp on the dumb people. This article is meant to be a lighthearted introduction to the people you will meet in college. I hope you enjoyed the read and who knows, there may be more to come.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but *Kermit the Frog meme* That's none of my business)

5. The toilet seat will remain down.

6. There's more money to spend on yourself.

7. There's always this secret butterfly in your tummy that marvels at the possibility that when you go out this weekend you're gonna meet someone super handsome/wonderful/prince-like and have this moment of dazzling dalliance.

8. Nothing is that serious...you can take it all with a grain of salt...you don't owe anybody anything.

9. You can dance with anyone and everyone...or no one (Hello frat boi w/ glasses, I see you).

10. You don't have to fluff anyone's ego but your own.

11. Free drinks and dinners from single guys (It's not taking advantage if they're offering; a girl's gotta eat).

12. You have more time to learn how to love and improve yourself rather than constantly pouring your energy into another person.

13. You don't have to sacrifice your cheesy Jen Aniston rom-coms and Gilmore Girls for his Fast and Furious/other dumb action movie featuring blonde that is only in the movie to supply a relationship to the male lead and to make him look more masculine/empowered in juxtaposition (In other words, you don't have to deal with a guy being a crabby Patty while you watch your cute movies).

14. You can daydream about what your future husband may be doing right now (and not get stressed/guilty out because you're not picturing your current boyfriend that's crazy about you as your future husband).

15. There is more time to be spent with your girlfriends.

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