I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that my family members keep haranguing me with the question, "What are your plans after college?" or the fact that I don't have a straight answer to give them.
It’s the summer prior to my college senior year. What an exciting time, right? Everything should be lying into place. There are more answers to life's big questions. The future should look bright and promising and your biggest dreams should be coming true, right? Well, in my reality, this is my last summer of being a college student and I could not be more terrified of the unknowns that are ahead.
I’m not sure how I ended up in this thick of a conundrum. I’m the type of person that always had a plan, but whenever it came to my career, I was lost. As an incoming freshman, I entered college with high hopes, a plethora of interests and maybe a slightly unrealistic expectation of how the real world operated. St. Edward’s University was definitely the “right fit for me” as they say, but in terms of deciding my major, I could never answer the question, “What would be your dream job?” Because of this, I floated around between a multitude of majors. One moment I was headset on Criminology, then I switched to Global Studies, and then Sociology. At one point in time, I had briefly claimed the following majors: Psychology, Writing & Rhetoric, Mathematics, even Chemistry. Oh, freshman year me… This process was just as painstaking for me as it was for the poor career counselor attempting to aid me. Ultimately, I decided to major in Environmental Science and Policy with a concentration in Political Science.
Just like my fleeting mind, my interests in organizations and opportunities on and off campus were relentless. Cumulatively over the years, I volunteered through Campus Ministries and did Hurricane Katrina Relief and immersed myself in Native American culture. I also took on multiple leadership positions on campus, one of which took me to D.C. I have been a Teaching Assistant, a Director of my university's’ It’s On Us Campaign and lastly, a Resident Assistant. I think it’s safe to say that I haven’t just been aimlessly watching Netflix or partying…OK, maybe a little bit. Even with all of these accomplishments, I still don’t really know where I was heading. Why had I burdened myself with responsibilities on top of responsibilities? Was it because I truly enjoyed all of these opportunities? Was it to discover myself? Or was it really to consume myself with endless obligations to delay the inevitability of facing the unknowns of my future?
Currently, as I try to sort out “what went wrong” or “where I went off the path,” I realize that there is a great divide between the questions I have and the answers I wish I had. In the grand scheme of things, I’ve come to the realization that I may not ever have all the answers. This is OK. It is OK to not have answers. It is OK to not be in total control. It is OKto feel scared. It is OK for change to be happening. Ultimately, there is positivity in uncertainty, and uncertainty is called life. I think everyone has had a vision for themselves at one point or another and I’m sure that vision or plan has changed, but don't feel at a loss. This has taken me a while to understand—every turn you decide to take down this path is ultimately where you were meant to go, even if it's potential hasn’t been discovered yet. Isn’t that equally exciting as it is frightening?
Currently, instead of being debilitated by the paths that are in front of me, I’ve decided to take a step. I’ve told people time and time again that I may want to pursue law school, which I may inevitably end up doing, but what I am going to do now is focus on writing and creating content. I am going to apply for internships that involve writing, whether about the environment or politics. I am going to remain confident, even in the face of uncertainty. I am going to accept the fact that I can’t have an answer to everything. Lastly, I am going to take advantage of the opportunities that are in front of me instead of shying away from them because of the fear of taking the wrong step.
All in all, I am going to be OK, as you will be if you are struggling with the uncertainties that are the future. Take a deep breath! Remember to take a risk, dabble in something new, but always, always keep moving.