College: the time when we can finally answer all of our questions about adulthood. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? How do I do and become those things? But I think, like for most people, college has only created even more questions and decisions and uncertainties.

My life is like a canvas: blank, with no obvious plan, with a lot of unanswered questions. What is the artist going to paint right here, and here, and here? What is the artist planning for the color scheme and the design? What will the artist say with this painting? What happens to the painting once the artist is finished with it?

I am the artist of my life. I hold the paintbrush, and I make the decisions that impact how my life will turn out. When I was young, the canvas was completely blank, ready for me to take hold of the paintbrush and begin painting away. Throughout my grade school years, I just wanted to hold my paintbrush. I was so eager to begin painting and trying out new colors. I wanted to find out who I was and who I wanted to be.

At 18 years old, I finally snatched the paintbrush away from my mother, running full speed ahead towards that blank canvas, gathering some paints, whatever colors I could find, dipping my brush, getting ready to smear color across the canvas, when I stopped. I had no idea how to paint. I'd never made decisions before, I had never held my own paintbrush.

Then I remembered the obvious next step everyone else was taking and figured, "Okay I should go to college" So I quickly smeared some blue on the canvas and started taking classes. But I soon learned that while blue is a nice color, and blue often gets you a higher paying job, blue is not my favorite color. I like learning, but am I willing to go to school for more than 4 more years? No.

So next I decided to try pink. Pink is an exciting color. Everyone talks about what an amazing experience the color pink is, how amazing it is to travel and see the world, so I decided to study abroad for a year in Germany, traveling and experiencing a different part of the world. I quickly added some pink to the canvas and packed my suitcases, ready to go, even though I'd never left home before.

When I came back home, I took a long hard look at my canvas. Pink was an amazing color, but I couldn't fill my whole canvas with it. I also didn't want this blue paint covering my whole canvas. I realized I had no plan for this canvas at all. I wanted to decide wisely, because it's hard to cover up a bright blue mistake, and there was no going back to a blank canvas. My choices would impact my future, and I don't get a do-over.

So I sat down and made a plan, thinking about what I wanted on the canvas. I definitely want love. Success would be nice, happiness an added bonus. I'd like a career, doing something I love, writing. Maybe a family, with a nice house and family dinners every night. But it dawned on me: This canvas is my legacy when I'm gone, and I don't want it to be just a bunch of nonsensical smears of color. I want my life to mean something. How do I make my life mean something?

My life is like this canvas: blank, but now with some semblance of a plan, with some color and excitement, but with a lot of unanswered questions that I've only started to answer. What do I want to do? What am I planning to do to reach my goals and dreams? What am I going to say with my life? And what happens to my goals and dreams, my legacy, when I am finished, dead and gone, and reach "The End"?