Learning how to look both ways is a life skill kids are taught at the beginning of their educational journey. So why is it that when kids get to college, they can’t figure it out anymore? Alabama students can solve advanced calculus problems, cram tons of information into their heads the night before an exam, and they know the Crimson Tide is the greatest team in the nation... So why don’t they know how to cross a street?
1. The One Whose Eyes Are Attached To Their Phone
Look. Up. From. Your. Phone. I’m all for multitasking and sending memes on the fly, but there is a time and a place. That place is not in the middle of the street, or on the edge of the sidewalk about to walk onto the street. If your eyes work and are not physically glued to your phone screen, I recommend using them when around thousands of pounds of metal speeding towards you. You never know, the driver might be on their phone, too. Only one of you can win this fight, keep that in mind.
2. The Mob
When students exit a building at the same time, they turn into animals. If one crosses the street, they all do. It doesn’t matter that they don’t have the right of way, aren't anywhere near a crosswalk, or a car is already half way through the intersection. They all left the class together, they must all cross the street together. It's endearing... unless you have somewhere to be on the other side of the wall of students.
3. The One With A Cute Dog
While you may be slightly distracting, thank you for having such a great animal and sharing it with the world. It’s hard to be mad at someone with a cute dog, even if they don’t know how to cross a street. At least it's something nice to look at. Plus I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for hitting a dog (I couldn’t forgive myself for hitting a person either but hurting a furry animal would any a whole new layer of guilt).
4. The One Who Appears Out Of Nowhere
Just... no. Sleep deprivation, stress, etc. does not justify popping up in front of cars. Just don’t do it. Especially if you’re just in it for the money. No one can afford college tuition any more than you can, so don't try to pin it on some poor driver. We should support each other in our mutual suffering under student loans, not dig one another deeper into that debt.
5. The One Who Makes You Think They're Leaving Their Parking Spot
Parking is a nightmare on Alabama’s campus. Please stop breaking hearts and leading people along by making them think you’re leaving your parking spot. College is stressful for all of us, there’s only so much disappointment we can take.
6. The One Who Hesitates
Are you crossing or are you not? You’re only responsible for yourself, not a giant metal box. You can make and execute decisions a lot faster, so please do. If you’re gonna cross illegally (and safely), do it. Own it. Don’t stop and start and make the driver guess what you’re gonna do because again - only one person can win that fight.
7. The Slow And Steady
These are the ones who take their sweet time. They might have the right of way to begin with, but by the time they reach the other side of the street the light has changed. They might have gotten out of their last class for awhile, but that doesn’t mean the driver waiting for them to amble across the street doesn’t have somewhere to be. Will the driver graduate before the pedestrian crosses the street? Will we ever know?
8. The One Who *Actually* Looks Both Ways
The pedestrian who actually went to kindergarten. They make a complete stop, they look both ways (maybe even twice?) before proceeding. They might even make eye contact with a driver, maybe give them a little wave of acknowledgment. These are the pedestrians who save us all time. If everyone were like them, I would spend a lot less time ranting and writing sassy articles.
