I came to college with such an amazing relationship with God. I prayed every night, did my devotionals, and went to church. I would have long talks with Him about my future and what would come of it. So when I got to college, I thought it would be easy to keep up that relationship. What I learned, and not too quickly I might add, was that your relationship with God is like any other relationship. It's something you have to work for to keep up, it's not a one-way street. It's not easy, but it's something that can be done. I got so caught up in the new college scene and the freedom. For so long, I kept asking God to send me a sign. A sign that everything would be OK, a sign that I would be OK. He was sending me sign after sign and I didn't see them. I brushed them off again and again because they didn't fit the lifestyle I was trying to have. In my first semester of college, I managed to lose my faith completely. I changed in so many ways and they weren't good changes. I made no effort to find a Church. I distanced myself from my Bible because I was angry. I distanced myself from God because I didn't think He was listening.
I drew closer and closer to styrofoam cups and aluminum cans and farther away from God's word. I kept asking Him to give me signs and everyone that He sent, I ignored. It took me five months of being hopeless to realize His plan. He sent me hundreds of tests and failed them all. Finally, He broke through, He sent me His final sign. It was painful and it hurt, but that was the point of it. It finally opened up my eyes. He was sending me people that he thought would show me what I truly wanted, but it did the exact opposite.
“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” -- 1 John 4:4
I was so afraid of people judging me for wanting to go to church or small group instead of going to the bars or a party. I was afraid that I wouldn't have friends who wanted the same. Unfortunately, I did choose the parties instead of my faith but thankfully I landed here. So maybe that's what was meant to happen. I was supposed to lose my faith to make me realize what truly mattered in life.
At one point I truly thought I had lost everything. I thought my life was over because all the people I had cared about were gone. I was lost and that was my final sign. That was the one that kicked me in the butt, the one that showed me that my faith was stronger and more important than anything else. When I accepted that, God started sending me people that I had been overlooking, people that weren't going to judge me for choosing Church over the bars. I had gained so much more than I could have ever hoped for. He led me to my small group, to girls that helped me get through one of the toughest times in my life. He used them to remind me that everything was going to be OK, that I was going to be OK.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
I have now realized that to be successful within my faith, that I have to be all in. I can't just sit back and say maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow turns into the next day and that becomes a never ending cycle. That's how you lose your faith. That's how you become lost. Rely on God. Listen to His word because it means something. It's something that will keep you afloat. It will ensure that you are happy. It will ensure that the right people enter your life.
Live a life through Christ. Make mistakes and know that He will still be with you. He will send you the people he believes are right. He will ensure your safety because this is His journey for you. This journey He has set up for all of us is bigger than out minds can imagine and all of our journeys are different. His for me meant that he had to send me the wrong people to find the right ones. Had I not been so hurt and in so much pain, I would have never realized how lost I was and now, I have been saved.
