On Friday of last week, after the last day of the first week of classes, sophomore at Hastings College, Maddie Downie, reportedly called her mother to discuss dropping out of college. Downie is studying both English and communications, but claims she can "do it no longer" and has considered dropping out of college to become a hermit for quite a while now.

"Oh no, this isn't the first time this has happened," Downie's unfazed mother explains. "Last year she threatened the same thing at least three times. In fact, after her first day of kindergarten 14 years ago, she asked when she could be done with it all. I thinks she really just hates school."

"I really just hate school," Downie confirms, "it's the monotony. Get up, go to school, do homework, go to bed, then do it all over again until the day you graduate and enter 'the real world' and eventually die. Does that sound like fun to you?"

A previously adamant 4.0 student, Downie now seems to have no concerns for her GPA. She reports to find no purpose in attending classes or participate in any college activities. She's already skipped many classes and failed to turn in several assignments despite it being just the first week of school. When asked her thinking, she just raised an eyebrow and shrugged, then continued to indifferently swipe left on Tinder.

Friends of Downie describe her as being surly, sullen, even crabbed, and guilty of wearing the same hoodie for a week straight now. She's survived on a diet of pure carbohydrates and those little apple fritter muffins they put out in the mornings in the cafeteria. Despite her disagreeable attitude, friends encourage her to stay at least another semester before deciding to throw it all to the wind.

"If I were to drop out, I would just disappear. Hop in my car, find a nice highway, and never come back," Downie explains. She seems rather unconcerned with her financial or physical health, but rather in finding an existence where the mundane no longer thrives. A life full of adventure, danger. One equivalent to any Indiana Jones movie or film like it.

"I crave a life worth writing about," she says, "plus I'll be fine. Bill Gates dropped out of college and he's a millionaire. It's a wonder more people don't follow in his footsteps."

For the time being, this discouraged college sophomore can be found hiding out in her dorm room, pretending not to notice how many episodes of Parks and Rec she has watched in one sitting. Her mother just hopes she finds motivation somewhere.