Everyone struggles with friendships, and everyone struggles with feeling valued and accepted for who they are; it’s just a fact of life. It’s hard, especially in high school, to find those people that can be your lifelong friends and who love you just as you are, but I want to offer some words of encouragement and friend advice to those of you graduating from high school soon and heading off into the great unknown that is college.
In high school, you may have felt excluded and lonely, and let me be the first to tell you, you are not alone. Coming to college has made me realize that everyone has their demons and all of my friends here that I have gotten close to, even the coolest and most confident ones that I thought must have had all the friends they could ever want, have struggled with feeling accepted. So please know that there is not something wrong with you, there is not some part of you that is simply unlikable. If you don’t have close friends, that just means you haven’t found the right people yet, and the college is the best place in the world to do that.
There are knitting clubs, Quidditch clubs, film clubs, French clubs, campus ministries, fraternities and sororities, the opportunities to find your niche are endless. Coming to college I was so nervous about being able to find friends, but I got involved in JMU’s InterVarsity Campus Ministry and it was truly the best decision I have made since coming here. I am among Godly, genuine people that love and accept me for who I am. So do some digging before you move in to your new home and look for clubs or organizations that you might be interested in joining, and then try them all. You can always drop out later, but try everything so you can decide where you fit best.
Be assertive! This isn’t like high school where everyone already has friend groups and cliques, every other freshman feels exactly like you do: alone and homesick (they do, even if they won’t admit it.) If you meet someone you like, ask them to get lunch or coffee. Go sit next to the girl who’s studying alone in your hall TV lounge. Introduce yourself to a random stranger. I promise you, they will welcome the opportunity to make a new friend who’s as cool as you are.
When trying to decide where you fit in, just remember that you can be whoever you want, so be yourself! If you are genuine and honest about who you are, people will see that and will flock to you. Don’t let the people you hang out with dictate who you are, because you’re awesome! So hang out with people who will binge watch your favorite show with you at 3am, laugh with you uncontrollably about something that’s not even funny, and learn about the things you love just because it’s you who loves them. And if you feel like you have to change yourself to be liked by the people you’re hanging out with, they aren’t worth being with anyway.
Last but not least, even when you feel like you have no one, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that God loves you unconditionally, completely and entirely. That’s the amazing thing about unconditional love: there are no conditions. God doesn’t love you only if you’re smart, only if you’re popular, only if you do everything right, He loves you just as you are. He loves you, stupid mistakes and all, even when you don’t feel loved by anyone else.
So if you feel alone, unloved, and unlikable, remember that college is a fresh new start for you, a place that you can be totally yourself, make new friends who love you as you are, and find your niche. Put yourself out there, be assertive, try new things! You have a chance to make your lifelong friends, I know I have, so don’t waste it. And remember, you were created in the image of God and you are AWESOME!
