The last month of my exchange semester in the United States has officially started. I will go back and have to start writing the final paper for junior year at my home university. If you think that I’m nervous about it, you have no idea how much I’m afraid of this. Sometimes I find myself wondering if all the stress and craziness of college is something I need. Basically, this article will be some kind of overview of my three years in university.
Things my college experience told me about myself (suddenly).
I love studying.
You can’t imagine what a surprise it was for me. I failed my graduation history exam in high school, and since I couldn’t go to university immediately after school, I had to take a gap year working hard in a book store and preparing to retake exams at the same time. It was also hard for me because all of my friends had already been students where, as for me, I felt like a disaster and mistake of the universe. Somehow I managed to pass my exams and after a humiliating year of work I went to the St. Petersburg State University, to Smolny College. Suddenly, the first year of studying there showed me that I love it, I love waking up in the early morning to take the subway, spending almost an hour on the way to my college and getting to class on time. I love getting good grades and I’ve never failed anything (yet). I have no idea what happened to me. Maybe this gap year changed me, maybe I changed by myself, maybe my high school didn’t give me a chance to be a good student. Who knows. The only thing I’m sure about now is that I love studying as much as I love food. Maybe even more than food, even if it seems impossible.
P.S. Why was the gap year humiliating? Don't think about it. In Russia usually everyone after school goes to universities. I was, basically, one out of 20 people who didn't manage to do the same. This is why it was humiliating for me.
I love writing.
No matter what you want me to write – a poem, an essay, a novel, short story, article – I will do it and do it gladly. After my first year in college, I realized that my brain is constantly producing more and more ideas about different creative and academic topics. It never stops working, trying to show me that there are many beautiful and interesting things that I haven’t done yet. Mostly it is about writing, but sometimes my brain produces something like “let’s make a movie”, “let’s dance” etc. Sometimes I have to realize that I’m not able to do every single thing I think up. So I’m just writing about someone doing these things.
I love debating.
Okay, this is a really specific fact about me. When I was a sophomore, my best friend invited me to the Smolny debate club. She said it would be interesting for me. God, she was so right! Honestly, I’m really bad at debating. But you can’t imagine how cool it is when you debate with your best friend on one team, side by side, and win a room. Or you at least don't come in last. Also, I feel the progress I've made, even after a huge break in debating due to studying abroad this semester. Trust me, there is no better feeling than realizing you’re becoming better at something.
I am not afraid of people.
Another specific fact. I was thinking at school that I’m afraid of people. I didn’t know how to talk to them; I had no idea how to be human, actually. And I’ve proudly labeled myself as an anthropophobe and an introvert. As it happens, a lot of my classmates thought they were introverts. Somehow it meant being special for us. However, now I know that it's not a permanent state for me. Of course, it happens that I need to be completely alone for hours, maybe even a couple of days. But it doesn’t mean that I can live all my life without people around me. I realized that I need them, for many reasons. At least, I love talking. It can be shown even through these articles. Hey, reader, I’m talking to you! Cool, right? Please, know, that I love you and need this communication between us.
Time.
You know, I had plenty of time before college. I feel it because now I have so much to do that 24 hours is not enough. What was I spending all my time on before college?!
Anyway, I’m sure that I made the right choice to go to university, even through my gap year, failing exams and other not-entirely-pleasant stuff. Some of my classmates actually didn’t believe I would manage to do this. But I did. So… No, I will not say anything bad here, this article is supposed to be positive.
Remember, if you are doing something important and feel maybe it’s not for you, stop for a second and look back. You’ll see how many beautiful things happened to you, and it will give you the energy you need to go further.
