I vividly remember growing up and wanting to go to a huge school like Uconn or Ohio State. I just always remembered watching movies about kids going to college and having the time of their life. But as I slowly approached making some decisions about what I was planning to do after high school, my entire body froze up and Uconn and Ohio State looked like a trap to me.

I had always known baking was a passion of mine. I loved to do it and nothing else in this world calls to me like being in the kitchen does. SO.. When it came time to pick a school it became much easier for me due to the fact that most culinary schools are on the smaller side. I struggled hard between wanting to go to college and having the whole college experience or staying close to home and going to a school that didn't contain half of my cities population and not risking the emotional breakdown.

I remember my friends all starting to apply to schools, some far and some close, but almost every single one of them had picked a school we'd all consider a "party school". I on the other hand was sitting over here like should I be normal and pick Johnson and Wales University in Rhode Island and pretend I'd be happy with the whole college experience or pick the Culinary Institute of America and f*** the whole experience because that's how I really felt.

As time went on and I had to make a decision, I picked the CIA. I knew deep down that if I was going to go to college, this would be the only way. I could barely make myself walk into high school, what made me think my anxiety could handle living on a huge college campus, I couldn't. I knew I'd simply regret my decision and make my way home ASAP.

Matter of fact, I should be away at school right now. But that's another decision I made that would be the best for me. I didn't feel ready and I still don't feel ready. I've decided that I won't even be going to the Culinary Institute for another semester and that is OK. Getting up and moving out of my house is one of the biggest challenges I will face. The thought of change terrifies me as a person. And the thought of growing up and being responsible for everything on my own, is also terrifying as all hell.

Deep down a part of me was honestly ashamed of the fact that I wasn't going to be a "normal" kid and go to "normal" college. I was scared I'd receive so much hate for making the decision I did, but I didn't. College is a big part of your life and it's not for everyone. Not everyone can handle the social situations of it all. I know people tell you this and you're like but I have to go, I won't get anywhere if I don't. But you will, you can go to a trade school, or a community college, or just get a full time job. This is your life. Don't waste it on what you think other people want from you. Do what makes you happy and f*** the rest of them.