The road to college is something that I would describe as a mystical time. A temporal lapse in my life where I found myself looking at the world through the perspective of a dream land. I had a picture perfect experience, in having ease finding schools that fueled my interests. There were a plethora of opportunities in front of me, innumerable avenues to forge the path to my ultimate goal.
Personally, the only path I saw in front of me was becoming a veterinarian. A career that I had idolized ever since I can remember. I love animlas, and grew up riding horses. I saw it as the only interest in my life with a plausible career that was considered to be successful. With this in mind, my college choice was based around those with the most successful opportunities in this field of study.
Decision day came and up until this point I struggled with choosing where I would advance my life and career for four years. Ultimately UMass Amherst was my decision, and I am incredibly thankful that I chose to attend this amazing university.
Over the Summer I fantasized about college, it would be something I had never experienced before. Being free and far away from home, an independence that I always sought after. Growing up my parents were very strict, and living two hours apart has certainly helped our relationship.
Upon arriving here the freedom became abundantly clear, and I enjoyed every second of it. At times past the point of being healthy, and bordering irresponsibility. Of course I had fun and I made so many friends that I cherish in my life. But there was a breaking point where my studies became overwhelming and I felt backed against a wall. Becoming a veterinarian is an intense experience, and requires 8 years of schooling.
After a time, I found myself with no motivation and a hatred for everything that I was learning. The "bubble" had burst, and it was no longer a place that I Ioved, and felt comfortable and productive living. It became a space where I would flee from if given the opportunity, but I could not fail myself in that way. Classes became a struggle as I found my workload to be infinitely over what I had been prepared for in high school.
Finally, I came to an epiphany and realized that failure and success are in the eye of the beholder. I love animals and they will always be a passion of mine. But I was forced to ask myself, is this the passion that you want to make into a career? What are the driving factors behind this motivation? If you were to leave this all behind, would it be all ok? How do I change these feelings of monotony, anger, and stress?
It took so much power, and a lot of soul searching. But I wanted to make college an experience that I enjoy, and I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I realized that they had been a driving force, for me and not against me. All any parents want is to see their child succeed in something that they are passionate about.
Once I let these fears stop controlling me, it was abundantly clear that I need to find something that I have a passion for and that I can be successful in. The reason I was struggling before is because I had always had thoughts that I didn't want to be a vet, and that I would not enjoy the lifestyle that would come after graduation.
I was terrified that I would be viewed as a failure by my peers, my friends, my family, and most importantly myself. I could not let myself fail, as I felt that that would be soul crushing. But in reflecting on all of these emotions, I realized self care and being genuinely happy is the most important thing at the moment.
In this realization and the changes that I have made in my life, college has become a savior. In changing my major, I have found so many causes and opportunities that I am passionate about.
I have the time and the resources to pursue them, and that makes it all the more exciting. Find happiness within yourself, as it takes a truly happy person to enjoy and prosper from the world around them.
