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College as Told by John Mulaney

10 John Mulaney jokes applicable to your life

Carly Hanna

Sep 17, 2016

Slippery Rock University of Pennsylvania

285

Stand-up comedian and former Saturday Night Live writer John Mulaney entertains audiences with his "good-guy" demeanor and Irish-Catholic approach to daily life. Here are some of his jokes, that when taken out of context, can easily be applied to the typical college student's life.

1. When you agreed to go out, but you secretly wanted to stay at home in your bed

2. When talking about your problems makes them real

3. When that one annoying kid won't shut up

4. When all you do on Saturday is watch Netflix

5. When the alcohol hits you too hard

6. When you really have no idea what is going on

7. When you're being too friendly

8. When making fun of each other goes a little to far

9. When there's too many people walking to class

10. And this basically sums it up

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College as Told by John Mulaney

10 John Mulaney jokes applicable to your life

1. When you agreed to go out, but you secretly wanted to stay at home in your bed

2. When talking about your problems makes them real

3. When that one annoying kid won't shut up

4. When all you do on Saturday is watch Netflix

5. When the alcohol hits you too hard

6. When you really have no idea what is going on

7. When you're being too friendly

8. When making fun of each other goes a little to far

9. When there's too many people walking to class

10. And this basically sums it up

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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