So, you're applying to college.
Are you scared? Nervous? Relieved? Excited? Do you have a favorite school? A safety school? A least favorite? An economically responsible choice? Have you cursed out Common App yet? (Trust me, we all did it.)
It was just a year ago that I was writing my Common App essay. There's no scarier academic moment than when you submit that first college application, especially if it's your safety school. I often compared choosing a college to picking a husband or wife; it's a mutual decision, the first might not be the right fit, and it'll determine your foreseeable future.
I was not prepared for college admissions.
Let me set the scene for you: I'm applying to six schools, one of which is an Ivy, two of which accept the Zell-Miller Scholarship that I've earned through my GPA and Georgia's benevolence, and one of which I have my heart set on attending. Five of the six require essays, most two or three, and all emphasize how GPA, SAT score, and recommendation letters must essentially be perfect to guarantee admission. I had been preparing since sixth grade for this.
Between the AP classes, the Honors classes, over a decade of competitive dance experience, and multiple leadership positions, I felt confident in my application. After all, I fit all the numeric criteria listed; what could go wrong?
Well. About that.
I was accepted into both Georgia schools as well as one out-of-state school, flat-out rejected by the Ivy, deferred and then denied by another school, and waitlisted at my dream school. I hit a brick wall the day I heard back from my number one choice. I knew I couldn't look at my parents and tell them I turned down a full tuition paid scholarship at both Georgia schools in order to go to a $60,000 out-of-state university.
I ended up at my safety school.
"That can't be the end of the story!" you say. "My teachers and parents told me I'd end up where I'm meant to be. I'm sure you're happy at your safety school." I heard the exact same words during my college admissions process. Am I happy, though? It's a good question, one worth considering. I suppose it depends on your definition of "happiness."
No, you might not end up where you desire to be. No, you might not receive the scholarships you wanted or the financial aid you needed. No, you might not end up liking your roommate. Yes, college admissions has the potential to break you- but only if you let it.
As someone who went through an incredibly emotional and rough senior year then eventually went to a psychiatrist because of it, I know firsthand that "just deal with it" can be awful advice. I am not saying that in the slightest. Sometimes you can't turn off the voices in your head that tell you that what college you go to determines your worth. Some days will be harder than others. Even if you're a mentally stable individual, applications take a toll; you're asking other people for validation on the past four years of your life, and it's terrifying.
That's okay. There's nothing wrong with being scared.
You will emerge from this process as someone different from when you began it, and that is not something to take lightly. In order to come out the other side stronger than you started, practice self-love. Make sure you find time to relax and de-stress. Dream big, but also stay practical. There will be a mental breakdown- or two, or ten- and the best way to handle it is to breathe and let it happen but not dwell in it. Bottling your emotions up will not help, I promise. It gets better, but it takes time.
Above all, remember that you always have options. You can take a gap year; you can transfer. You can change majors. Even after you commit to a school, there are ways to make it your own even if you didn't love it from the start.
To everyone who gets into and goes to their dream school: Congratulations. I have a friend who's one of you. Know how lucky you are, and please be cognizant of those who didn't have the same fortune as you, since after all, college admissions is more luck and demographics than actual effort.
To everyone who gets into their dream school but cannot go, everyone who gets waitlisted, and everyone who gets denied: I know it hurts. You might get over it quickly; you might still be nursing that hurt months later. It is okay to be disappointed and angry. Your feelings are valid. Please, do not view this as a reflection on your worth. You are worth far more than your statistics show.
You are not the schools you applied to or the AP scores you earned. You are not your SAT score or your ACT score. You are not your numbers. If you carry nothing else with you into college, remember that.
Please.
