Ever since i started college, I have felt out of place and that a part of me felt I didn't belong here. As a freshman in my first semester of college, I can say that after having several break downs and contemplated on dropping out, I have finally decided that I am going to stay put. I am a commuter so as soon as my classes get out, I am immediately off campus. I got lucky enough to only have three classes and to have amazing professors who are willing to help me with whatever I need so they have played a very big part of me staying. As a commuter who works on and off campus, it gets aggravating at times to figure out time of when to do homework and when to study for tests (especially when you have no clue how to study).It's also very challenging to be able to make friends. I am totally a people person once I get to know somebody, but i hate the awkward part of trying to become friends with people. I don't really talk to anybody in my orientation groups from summer and fall orientation because of how out of place I felt both of those times. Plus, those ice breakers make me even more awkward than I really am. I'm just the kind of person that makes friends randomly and not when I feel like I'm being forced to make friends.

Don't get me wrong though, I made friends with some of my orientation leaders which was nice just in case I have a question about anything. But I pretty much stay with my friends that came up with me from high school and those who I've met through the commuter lounge (Thank God for that lounge, too). I've already had to do group projects where I'm the only commuter so it's hard for me to make time to come up to campus and work on a project which stresses me out even more. Those who know me personally know that I have a passion for doing make up and it is truly something I enjoy. I even have a separate Instagram account just for my make up because I just have so many looks I could create and never get tired of doing them.

Two weeks ago, I thought I had finally given up. I had decided that I was going to beauty school after this semester was over so that I could pursue my dream of becoming a make up artist and actually be myself. But now, after having to come up and work on group projects and getting to actually have more friends I have started to realize that I don't want to leave. Not yet, anyways. I'm still trying to discover myself through the whole college experience, even if it does take a while.

Right now, i am planning on becoming an engineer of some sort with a minor in Spanish. A couple of weeks ago, i had to write a personal essay for my Critical Thinking Writing class. My professor (shout out to Dr. Archer) let us write about whatever we wanted, however we wanted. So, I did a very dramatic essay written from the point of view of my stress. Upon getting my essay back, my professor decided to write some words of encouragement and I quote "You can do this. This is the hard part---the beginning." Since then, i have tried to look at this beginning as something good and trust me, my view has DEFINITELY changed. So this is for anybody that's a freshmen in college or maybe even a senior in high school (or anybody that needs a little spirit lifting). It's okay to try something new and change your mind afterwards. It's always better to do something and say you tried than to not do something and regret not doing it.