I have always wanted to be a model. I have worked long and hard to awaken my inner Blue Steel.
One of the ways I hone my craft is by critiquing the ads I see in stores, analyzing the fake looking laughs, figuring out how to make glamour eyes, cataloging the nuances of smolders I see. All so I can one day fulfill my dream of being the next Derek Zoolander.
My recent trip to Cold Stone Creamery was no exception. This is what I saw in the store.
These models are high quality. Look at that powerful gaze. Look at those crisp eyebrows. LOOK AT THAT ICE CREAM!!!
These ads are clearly done by professionals, however I noticed a few places a little sprinkle of Warren's Modeling Magic (TM, coming to stores near you soon) would take them over the top. Here are 6 things I would change to make these ads incredible.
1. Not looking while making ice cream
You probably can't read the sign, but it says, "our crew members make fresh batches of smooth & creamy ice cream in this store." This makes me worried because Exhibit One's eyes are not looking at the ice cream she is supposed to be making, which seems like a fundamental rule of anything.
Mix ups like this can lead to even more troublesome things. Like #2.
2. Hand ice cream
OH MY GOSH IS THAT ICE CREAM TOUCHING HER HAND?!?!? It's hard to tell but by golly it is dangerously close. This is what happens when you don't pay attention to the work you are doing.
Next time no hand in ice cream, no matter how creamy and wonderful its texture is. Hand ice cream tastes good, but remove the hand from the ice cream and waffle cone sales will double, I guarantee it.
3. So glow
This model seems to have an unnatural glow, and I don't like it. Either she has been training for years and finally achieved Legendary Super Saiyan or these "Refreshingly Delicious Ice Blended Coffee Drinks" have something fishy going on with them. Like the fact that they MAKE YOU GLOW.
4. Don't put it up your nose
If I didn't know any better, and I don't, I would say it looks like she is about to shove this drink right up her nose. Maybe whipped cream up the nose makes for good modeling, but it certainly doesn't move the cupcakes.
The ratio of drink-closeness-to-face and face-not-touching-drink in this picture is drastically off. In real life her chin would have been cleft-deep into that whipped cream. Take that cleft out a little bit and whammy, stock prices go up 200%.
5. Evil Villain Hands
She is clearly plotting something. This frappe is the first step in her quest for world domination. In a word, "dastardly." No one wants a taste of evil in their Friday night treat.
6. Put me in it
Tell me they don't look alike. MY MODELING DAYS HAVE COME!
