I am a male, but this is for anyone who has had trouble getting to know someone else over coffee.
I like rockin' out to music, playing and watching sports (mainly Philadelphia teams), telling stories and long walks while holding your hand because I love public displays of affection and big romantic gestures. While I sound like the next guy that's dying to meet her parents, because I honestly love parents, she will never know any of this.
Because she said "no."
These days, the internet is so readily available to us millennials, all the time. Most college kids change their relationship status more often than they change their bed sheets. So why is this an issue? Well, dating or romance is not the issue. It's coffee. Coffee screwed up dating.
I love coffee. Don't get me wrong. I remember going to Dunkin Donuts every Friday morning with my mom on her way to work and while I would get the kid's chocolate milk or hot chocolate my mom would always order a "large iced coffee, hazelnut flavoring, cream and 2 Sweet 'N Low ®." I, to this day, love hazelnut candies and coffee because my mom used to let me try it all the time. My "usual" at the Starbucks on campus at Shippensburg University is a Grande Hazelnut Frappuccino.
But, like I said, coffee is not the issue. The stigma associated with coffee, on the other hand, is one of a sexual desire. If someone asks to get coffee with someone else, it's a social understanding that will eventually lead to a relationship (or sex). So when did your local Starbucks or Dunkin (or café) become the gens of reproduction? The watering hole for singles? You get the idea.
Well, in my experience anyway as a single millennial who wants to get to know someone over a nice cup of joe, coffee shops are comfortable, cheap and public.
So if I ask a girl to get coffee here is what I expect:
I'm buying your drink. This is just my way of showing chivalry. I want to know what you like that way I can remember for next time... if there is a next time. I like Starbucks because while it is expensive coffee, it's not a lobster dinner for two for a get to know you. We get comfortable seats and we start talking. My expectation is that we hit it off and stories lead to other stories, both embarrassing and flattering ones. We are in a public coffee shop, but I do expect to show her how extroverted I am, maybe by making a scene and telling the cashier or barista he/she did an excellent job making my coffee.
Once all this has (or has not) happened I can typically determine whether or not she is dating material. Why is that my first thought? Who told me to think this way? Why would I or anyone have this belief that coffee is like the gateway to relationship formation?
The truth?
Turkey 1475.
In Constantinople, (modern day Istanbul) your average coffee shop would have been a place of relaxation and thought-provoking discussion. In fact, in some you might see the occasional gambling... on chess matches. Sean Paajanen, a Coffee and Tea Expert, wrote an article in 2014 stating, "Coffee was such an important item during that time period, that it was legal in Turkey for a woman to divorce her husband if he could not supply her with enough coffee." Wow! Proof my dad has to bring home coffee in order to keep my mom pleased.
While the first Starbucks wouldn't open for another 500 years, the formation of coffee shops date back to Istanbul, but the sexual nature of these places is a recent pop culture thing. So who's to blame for the coffee sex?
Take "Friends" for example. Set place in a coffee shop where friends get together to talk and bring their romantic interests. Should we blame "Friends?" No.
Would you blame "Cheers" or "How I Met Your Mother"for the bar scene as the local hang out? I didn't think so.
Basically, there is a social understanding that "Wanna get coffee?" is not what it seems. I think people should be weary of who they want to date, and eventually marry, but why give coffee the bad reputation of being the referee?
So the next time a potential romantic interest asks to get coffee, don't think the absolute worst, just think that they have a desire to get to know you as a human being.
Now get some coffee and meet someone.
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Regardless of what you may have gone through, nothing can change the banter and personal communication you and your friends share. Nothing feels awkward or forced because you are having too much fun catching up!
2. You plan your outings around each other's schedules.
Your friend's work schedules or class schedules are memorized like the back of your hand. They are your priority, and you will do anything you can to get them to join you on adventures when it is convenient to do so.
3. You say 'I love you' on the phone.
Yes, you may say it in real life too, but saying it after a phone call means it has become a customary for you to validate your appreciate for one other. Like a significant other or family member, you feel the desire to express your love at the end of a conversation.
4. Nothing is boring when you are together.
No matter what you do together, you always have a good time. Why? Because your friends' company is all you need. With the right people, you can make any situation memorable.
5. You share weird inside jokes no one else understands.
And you would like to keep it that way. If you are anything like my friend group, we share a strange family dynamic that has lasted as a running joke forever. No matter what it is, your inside jokes and sly smirks will keep the spirits up for ages.
6. You plan to hang out for a couple hours but end up together the entire day.
So now you just expect it and prepare for a 24-hour long get-together. Naps are often a part of the agenda.
7. The hugs say a thousand words.
Perhaps you do it a little too much, but the hugs you share are always meaningful and comforting. Gotta love those group hugs especially!
8. You go on spontaneous adventures together.
It is where your favorite memories come from. Even though you might not be able to do them as much as you would like, you are always down for a trip, big or small, with the group.
9. You consider each other family.
Because you consider each other family, you treat each other like family. Constant love, constant support, and a tremendous amount of meals spent together.
10. They make you a better person.
It is not a special friend group unless you learn from one another. You had to be selective when choosing your friends and when you did, you felt like they could teach you a thing or two. Their actions influence who you are and you could not be more thankful.
11. You can't imagine life without them.
The very thought scares you and sends your heart racing. Thankfully, the ultimate friend group is right there with you so you never have to second-guess their loyalty. Instead, you can bask in the glory that is your ultimate friend group. #squadgoals.
1. No school = no stress.
There are no essays to write, no books to read, and no deadlines to meet. The only worry in the world is keeping track of putting sunblock on.
2. Country music is more fun to listen to.
All true fans will listen to country music 365 days a year, but we all know that it's so much better in the summer when you can roll down the windows.
3. Your skin looks and feels better.
Even if you don't have the type of skin that tans, there is more color there than in the winter ... maybe. Freckles, tan lines, peeling burns and clear skin make for a happier camper. You'll forget all about the ghost version of yourself that was shedding dry skin like a snake over the winter.
4. Being barefoot 24/7 is an option.
Obviously wearing no shoes in the middle of a blizzard isn't acceptable. You know what is, though? Wearing no shoes in the summer ever because why not?
5. Ice cream is an acceptable snack.
For people like me who can't resist ice cream even on a 10 degree day, summer is a giant ice cream blessing. Not only does it taste like heaven, it's actually refreshing.
6. Minimal clothing is required.
Is there anything worse than having to put on layers in the wintertime only to sweat to death the minute you come back inside? No need for more than a tank top and shorts in the summertime.
7. Going to the beach daily isn't weird.
Now that it's hot, it's beach season. If you live near the ocean there is an excuse to drive there day or night, rain or shine. Staying there all day is an option for those who don't burn, and for those who do, you can always come back at night for a bonfire.
8. Cookouts.
Even when they lead to disaster, summertime cookouts are the best. Nothing completes a cookout more than watermelon and corn on the cob.
9. Night swimming.
Oh the thrill of jumping in freezing cold water in the middle of the night. Good thing the air becomes colder than the water, making the pool like a giant bathtub.
10. Spontaneous adventures.
Summertime gives you the freedom to wake up in the morning and decide to do something totally out of the blue that you've never done before. Hiking to a waterfall, rock climbing, going to a museum, or even road tripping are all great summer options.
Even if the heat isn't really your thing, it's undeniable to admit that life really is better in the summer. There's so much more free time, opportunity, excitement and sunshine. Only four months to go!
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