When I was inthe 8^th grade, I had a coach I will refer to as Coach Rick. Coach Rick was a narcissist. Nothing anyone ever did was good enough. During games, I would notice how other coaches interacted with their players because it was clearly different than how my coach treated his players. I continued to play, thinking that maybe it was something I was doing wrong. I gave every effort and still, nothing changed. By the time I started playing in high school, he had moved his way up to coaching at that level too. I was less than excited to say the least. However, I loved the sport and desperately wanted to play. That did not last long though. He tore away at me and the love I had for the sport rather quickly. I doubt it was a coincidence that every girl but one in my grade quit playing that sport by the end of the year. He saw nothing wrong with over 10 girls from one grade quitting a sport the same year he began coaching. As fate would have it, most of those girls, including myself, also played soccer. We went on to win a state championship. He did not. Eventually, he was fired for a VERY good reason. Sadly, it could have been avoided if the right actions were taken to begin with. So when we wonder why 80% of kids quit sports by the age of 15, maybe coaches could be ONE of the many reasons.

First, let me say that even though I had that one terrible coach, I also had many amazing coaches too. I had coaches that took the time to teach me and help me understand the sport as a whole. They were patient and cared more about their players than the outcome of the game. Thanks to them, I grew to love sports even more. When I first started coaching, I used all of my personal experiences to be the best coach I could be. I knew that I wanted my players to know that I cared about them, first and foremost. Building good, healthy relationships is one of the most important things about coaching. If a player cares about their coach, they are more likely to work hard for them. On the other hand, if a player doesn’t respect their coach or feels like their coach doesn’t care about them, they are more likely to get frustrated and less likely to reach their full potential. It’s not rocket science; we try to please people we care about.

Once I had kids playing sports, I thought about all of my personal experiences as a player and coach. I wanted to be supportive to the coaches and to my little athletes. This was more challenging than both of my previous roles combined. I did not want to be that meddling parent or the one that coddled or enabled them either. I still have to remind myself, or listen to my husband when he reminds me, to this day. It’s so important to remember that this is their journey. Every experience, good and bad, will help them grow as a player and as a person.

As a parent, the best thing to be is vigilant. Get involved without being the crazy parent. Find a coach you and your kid both respect and trust because that is far more important than being on the best team. Plus, playing for a losing team might actually help a player get more game experience or even force them to step into a bigger role for the team. Keep in mind that doesn't necessarily mean you will always agree with them or even like them as a person either. It simply means you have confidence in their ability and trust them to do what is right. For me personally, I want my kids to play for a coach they can look up to. Someone with integrity. A person that is honest. A role model that cares about them as a person. Someone who rewards, or better yet, demands hard work. A coach that has high expectations and pushes them to strive for personal growth and success. Win or lose, character is what really matters.

Coaches have a tremendous amount of influence on an athlete. It's alright to be selective as a player and especially as a parent. One bad coach can end a child’s desire to play, or worse, their self-confidence.

*This article is dedicated to all of the amazing coaches I had personally or my kids played for. Each and every one of you played a hug role in our lives. Thank you for the love, encouragement, and passion you have and passed on to us!

Ashton - Coach Fred, Hill, Thomas, Cann, Musso, Bayouth, Hines (and Scottie), Malham, Kelley, T.Washington, Bethard, Blakely, Morgan (These amazing coaches definitely had their work cut out for them. Each and every single one of them saw the love Ashton had for the game and nurtured that love. She was an emotional player and yet they NEVER gave up on her. They pushed her in a good way. Thank you for seeing what she was capable of and helping HER see it too. Oh and to this date, each of these coaches check in on her and how she is doing. That's pretty impressive!)

Bryce - Coach Burdick, Wilheim, Omar, Dave, Bink, Crutchmore, Scwartz,Dean, Melton, Bayouth (A special shout out to all these outstanding men that worked with Bryce. He was not always been the easiest kid to coach, but every one of them believed in him. Because of that dedication and genuine care for him as more than a player, he is a better, more mature young man. His life will forever be changed because of sports and the impact these great coaches had on him. For anyone that knows Bryce, they can tell you he is a special guy. He is smart and loving, but extremely hard on himself and needs a lot of reassurance. That takes patience to say the least. Thank you for not giving up on him. You will never understand what a difference you really made in his life.)

Ember & Alynna - Moss, Thralls, & Union Varsity Cheer Girls (Cheer sponsors are taken for granted. I cannot tell you how much time, and money, these ladies have invested into these girls. No credit is really given and yet they do so much. Thank you for working with these girls...even with the drama that often comes with the job. LOL)

Eason - Coach Buchanan, Prince, Bayouth, Oakie (Even though it was only one year, it feels like this team was our family. These coaches did an OUTSTANDING job with these boys...every single one of them. The boys being only 6 and 7 years old, weren't always the easiest to coach and yet these men were patient and taught them to play with passion and integrity. We will certainly miss them next year as they move up a level. I hope the next group of boys see what great role models and coaches they have!)

My Coaches - All of the great coaches I had growing up: The Danny's- Richardson & Bower, Hunton, Davis, S. Bowers, Lussier, Robinson, Springer, Smith, Duncan, Ormsby, and all of the Replogles. Last but not least, all of the wonderful coaches at Jenks Public Schools that I had the pleasure of coaching, teaching, or working with. I have learned so much from these amazing men and women and it is truly a blessing to work for such a WONDERFUL school district....#1 in the state to be exact! :)