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Help, I Don't Understand sports

Sports confuse me to no end.

Johanna Giordano

Jul 23, 2018

Elon University

407

c1.staticflickr.com

Hi, my name is Johanna, and I have a secret. I only know about one rule and maybe three terms for every sport and nothing more. I'm 18-years-old, and I have no idea how to watch any sports game, except maybe a swimming match.

I know what it feels like to be hit by every type of ball, baseball, dodgeball, basketball, you name it. I don't think anyone ever had an evil intention of hitting me, but I somehow attracted lots of bruises in PE class.

I'm not completely incompetent when it comes to sports; I know the difference between a touchdown, a goal, and a home run, but I don't understand all of the lines or penalties, fouls, or different point amounts.

I didn't grow up watching and playing normal sports like basketball, baseball, or soccer. Instead, I danced, did gymnastics, and practiced judo, a martial arts. So, sports have always been confusing to me.

I thought that getting into sports in high school would help, but being on the lacrosse team didn't give me the ultimate knowledge of football like I had hoped it would. Instead, I just ended up being confused while lacrosse balls flung at me. My goal was to unlock the secret sports code that many humans know, like "Did you see that stellar pick?" and realize that they were not, in fact, talking about guitar picks.

The one thing that frustrates me the most about sports is why no one can seem to explain them to me. Anytime that I show interest in, say, the World Cup or the NBA finals, I really try to make an effort in watching. However, since I don't know many rules or proper terms, I get easily confused, and the sport just looks like a bunch of grown men or women throwing and kicking balls into big holes.

I wish that people around me would stop telling me to "pay attention and you'll learn something" and just teach me about the game. I wish that people would stop assuming that I don't care about sports because I'm a girl. This is me trying to connect to you sporty people, but it's kinda hard to do that when you don't give me a chance.

So, this is me formally asking for help.

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Help, I Don't Understand sports

Sports confuse me to no end.

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No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

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Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

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