As a species, humans have relied on hunting as a means for survival. Simply gathering samplings of fruits and vegetables was not enough to ensure the continued reproduction of our species. In constant competition with other herbivores and carnivore species, human beings developed tools and tracking methodologies which made us the most sophisticated hunters in the wild. Eventually, the advent of farming alleviated a great deal of the hunter-gatherer stress and helped to standardize our species consumption to the point that we were finally able to focus on further adaption in terms of technology, culture, and language. However, humans wisely chose to continue to hunt for their food and many today maintain that hunting is a skill everyone should know how to do whether it is bow, rifle, shotgun, or spear. Hunting is one component of our heritage as species we should not let go so easily. Now, of course, many still hunt to supply themselves with the healthiest, most natural form of meat available but there are those who choose to hunt for sport with no concern for meat just trophies. While I do not agree with killing animals such as lions, rhinos, elephants, etc. just simply to harvest a trophy there is one species of creature that I have recently become very adamant about developing a hunting season for.
Clowns.
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You see, in addition to the gathering of meat, or the occasional trophy, hunting serves another purpose: Population control. When an evasive species becomes too prevalent in an environment it begins to have a negative consequence for the other species living there. For example, too many wolves can be directly correlated to the increased loss of deer life. An increase in deer is usually linked to a decrease in plant populations which deer feed on. To counteract that, the Department of Natural Resources enacts hunting seasons on various species which become evasive, or they limit tags on a species whose population is struggling. Now this brings us to the issue of the clowns.
You may have noticed that in the past few months there has been a sharp uptick in creepy clown sightings primarily in the Southern region of the United States. At first, it was the occasional roadside clown meandering about the highway. With Halloween around the corner and the recent release of Suicide Squad it was nothing out of the ordinary for the occasional clown spotting. However, things have recently escalated the clowns have begun wandering into yards, and have attempted to lure children into the forests, possibly where more clowns are waiting to attack and eat them. Some firearm carrying citizens have taken it upon themselves to eradicate the clown varmints but with limited success. Now there are even reports that in retaliation the clowns are plotting their very own purge the night before Halloween. The DNR has yet to release a solid figure on the current clown population but this writer believes that it is only a matter of time until permits are issued to residents nationwide.
Here are a few reasons for why we need a clown season this fall:
- It lines up perfectly with the rest of the years hunting seasons. Currently, bow hunting season is open for whitetail deer, as well as duck, grouse, and turkey season. In a few short weeks’ rifle season, will open as well. Why not squeeze a quick clown season in there while we’re at it!?
- Clowns cannot be allowed to reproduce. The clown reproduction cycle is still mysterious to many however if we do not open clown season then it is only a matter of time until the current clown population doubles or even quadruples (Like I said, we have no idea if clowns have litters or single children).
- If we do not, then no one will. Clowns are of course subject to the occasional bear attack or wolf attack, but typically the animals are more afraid of them than they are of it. That means that clowns have no natural predators. Human beings must take on that role and begin to exterminate the clowns before they become the dominant species on the planet.
- It is cheaper than overseas hunting trips. Currently, ISIS fighters are highly sought after hunting prey but it has become increasingly difficult to acquire a permit, and even more difficult to travel to the regions of the world most populated with ISIS members. Clown hunting is a great alternative and the clowns are in much greater supply here at home…for now.
These are just a few of the many reasons why we as a country need to adopt Clown Season this fall! What are your thoughts on the recent Clown epidemic and what are your solutions to solving it? Let us know it the comments below!
