Recently this year, there have been many sightings of killer or murderous clowns. These clowns have been spotted all around the country, scaring many as each new sighting arises. The cops have taken to the streets with each new sighting, and have even gone as far as putting full universities on lock down or evacuating the buildings on the campuses.
As the sightings continue, and the hysteria keeps rising, here are some simple steps on how to deal with a clown sighting and how to protect yourself.
Step 1: Lock all windows and doors.
If you live on a college campus, most doors lock automatically, but the windows do not. This is usually pretty simple, but your roommate might make fun of you if they don't know what's going on. In this case, explain to the that you are trying to protect both of you from a clown attack, show them a few videos from the various clown sighting pages on social media, and they should understand.
Step 2: Find the closest weapon.
Before I start, I am in no means condoning the storage of actual weapons in a college dorm, or any space for that matter, but a weapon can be anything. Sports equipment, a pen, a toothbrush, some type of musical instrument, get creative, and whatever it may be keep it within a certain distance of you just in case the clown gets into your room. However, you also want to keep it out of plain sight, that way the clown can't grab it before you do and use it against you.
Step 3: Find someone slower than you and stay near them.
If there is anything you can learn from watching horror movies, it is that the quickest runners are more likely to survive during a chase. That being said, find your slowest, clumsiest friend and keep them close. This way, if you see the clown, and there is only one of them, you can run away knowing that if the clown is going to catch one of you, they will catch the other person and not you. Now it might be a little hard afterward thinking that maybe there was something you could have done to save your friend from the clown attack, but it will all get better when you realize that it is survival of the fittest and they should have prepared themselves for a situation like that one better.
Step 4: Never go anywhere alone.
As you can probably guess from step 3, in order for that step to work, you can't be caught by yourself. On top of that, there is strength in numbers. If one clown is chasing you, and there are two of you, odds are one of you will get away, or if you have a brave friend, they may turn around and fight the clown while you can run away. My personal suggestion, find someone who is either stupid enough to try to fight an armed clown, or someone who is really slow (Step 3 if you already forgot).
Step 5: Whatever you do, do not watch the Presidential Debate with the volume up high enough for someone to hear from outside of your room.
Rumor has it that hearing another clown, attracts the clowns to that area. Hearing the Presidential Debates are sure to attract plenty of clowns to the area, so watch cautiously.
Stay safe, and follow these steps in order to completely protect yourself from the possibility of a clown attack.
