I have sat down to write this one too many times. I haven’t been ready or able to find the right words, but after months and months of trying to figure out me and what to do with myself now that you’re gone, I think I’ve finally found my words.
My closure didn’t come from you.
It never was going to. Because even though you have given me so much in our time together, this is something you can’t provide. My closure came from me. My closure came from deep within.
To the boy I loved dearly, I truly thank you. Thank you for being my champion and thank you for always believing in me because for a long time, I never believed in myself. Thank you for giving me strength in my darkest times and for loving me with the most unconditional love.
I am 19 years old. Many will say that you don’t know what true love is when you’re so young, but I beg to differ. On the contrary, I argue that this is the greatest love you will have for a long time if not the best of all time. See when you’re young, odds are you’ve never been truly hurt. Because of this, you love with every being in your body, with everything you have. You give every ounce and you don’t hold back. You don’t know better. You don’t know how bad it’ll hurt yet. So you go all in.
This was a great love. The truest and most pure type.
My closure didn’t come from you. It came from knowing that I did everything I possibly could to salvage the relationship. This is not me trying to trash my ex by saying he didn’t try because he did. At the end of the day, we both tried and when it all boils down to it...sometimes things just don’t work out.
I made mistakes that I deeply regret, but I am human.
I was once told that a breakup is like a bad nose bleed. It bleeds and it bleeds and then it just stops.
So to the people who are suffering through heartache right now, let it bleed. What I mean by that is feeling that pain. Feel it all. Ugly cry yourself to sleep. Throw things. Listen to sad music. Feel all the pain and let it fully consume you. Then when you’re ready, detach yourself.
My closure didn’t come from you. You can’t search for answers in someone who doesn’t have them. Know your worth. Look within.
