My Closet Is For Clothes, Not Me | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

My Closet Is For Clothes, Not Me

A coming out story.

58
My Closet Is For Clothes, Not Me
Huffington Post

October 11th, 2016 is National Coming Out Day.

October 11th, 2016 helped me face my "mental closet."

On October 11th, 2016, I "officially" came out of the closet.

Here's my story.


Dear Closet,

Today is not just another Tuesday in the month of October in the year 2016; today is National Coming Out Day. Today I stand up and I say to you:

My closet is for clothes -- not me.

With the suicide rates being higher than ever, nobody should ever feel trapped or alone. For a long time, I felt trapped and alone. I was trapped in my own "mental closet." Today, I escape my "mental closet" and I tell the world who I truly am.

Let me take you on an adventure, an adventure into my personal life.

We start in October of 2013, my sophomore year of high school. I can't tell you the exact day in October, but I can tell you I never want to go back to that day ever again.

There a was a young, 15-year-old boy who was in his own "mental closet." I got into a fight that afternoon with my parents over some "research" I had been doing on the internet involving my sexual preference.

That fight was my breaking point.

At that very moment, I told myself it was time for it all to end. I told myself that day would be the day I would end my life.

Nobody understood what I was going through. I grew up in a very Christian household. I just wanted to end my life because in my mind that is what was going to make me happy. So there I was in the doorway of my home getting ready to leave -- forever.

I had a plan. I was going to walk from my neighborhood to the highway and walk directly into the traffic.

I acted upon this plan with full intentions to die. I walked out of my house and down the road and onto the sidewalk that led to the highway. At this point, my mother had called the police to stop me but I was not a force to be reckoned with. With 30 feet to go before I would reach my final destination, a blockade of police had come with guns drawn and tackled me to the ground to stop me from reaching the highway.

After I was put into handcuffs for my own safety, I was transported to the MUSC Institute of Psychiatry where I made a decision that has haunted me ever since.

I sat down in a conference room with a nurse and they ask me the question that would change my life forever.

With what sexual orientation do you identify?

In confidence, I answered that I was gay. I knew I was gay. Nobody else knew I was gay. That's when the nurse wrote it down on the paper, and I about lost it. I told her I was not "out," nor was I ready to come out, and that she would need to remove that from the sheet. She proceeded to cover it up with pen, but for me, it turned out that was not good enough to cover it up.

As my stay was coming to an end, it was time for my family discharge plan meeting. That's when I met the woman who would change my life in a way that nobody should ever have to endure. Dr. Shoemaker was her name. A name I will never forget.

Dr. Shoemaker came to get me for my family meeting. She stopped me before going back to her office to meet my parents to tell me something I will never forget. Those exact words will be engraved in my brain forever.

"Percy, I've already told your parents that you are gay, and unless you come in my office and tell them, you won't be able to leave."

I walked into her office in tears and my parents were sitting there. Dr. Shoemaker told them that I have something to tell them. I said that I didn't, and she began to remind me that if I didn't comply, I wouldn't be allowed to leave.

At that moment, I felt a whole new level of broken. I was being forced to come out of the closet to my parents just to have freedom. With tears in my eyes, I told them and ran out of the office.

That day I was forced to come out on terms that were not my own.

I was not ready to come out yet. I knew the day would certainly come, but I wanted to do it on my own terms, on my own time.

It was not until now, October 11, 2016, that I realized I never "officially" came out to my family, my friends, and the world. Today I am able to realize that it is okay to be gay.

Today, I face my "mental closet" and say with a raging force, MY CLOSET IS FOR CLOTHES -- NOT ME.

Today I am able to tell the world I am gay, I am gay, I am very, very gay!

So closet, thank you. Thank you for housing me for so long and helping me realize it's okay to leave you.

Warm regards,

Percy


So, it's official. I'm out of the closet. I wish you all the best of luck. The purpose of this article was to help spread awareness and to show it's okay to come out of the closet. If I can come out on a worldwide platform, you can come out too.

On your own terms, of course.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

443909
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

17403
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

42024
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

7 Types Of Students You Will Meet In College

You wish you could be #5, but you know you're probably a #6.

21523
cool group of lazy college students in class
StableDiffusion

There are thousands of universities around the world, and each school boasts its own traditions and slogans. Some schools pride themselves on sports, while others emphasize their research facilities. While there is a myriad of differences among each and every school, there will always these seven types of students in class.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

15 Rhyme Without Reason Greek Life Function Ideas

When you have no ideas for what to wear to this date function

321940
A dog and a frog
Healthy Pets

I am going to a rhyme without reason date function and I have looked at so many different rhyming words and I figured there need to be a new list of words. At these functions, there are usually at least two rockers and boxers and an umpteenth amount of dogs and frogs. I have come up with a list of creative and unique ideas for these functions.

If you like what you see, get a shopping cart going with these costumes.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments