I never thought in all of my years I would be living my life in Montana. I never thought I would have the itch to climb mountains, dive into caves, and hunt and fish. I never thought that I would find the girl I love by traveling 2,000 miles away. I never thought I would leave New York. Now, I can't imagine anything else--but to get where I am now, I needed to make a lot of mistakes.

A few years back, around the end of my last class year in trade school, I thought back to my years in high school, and all of the things I had quit since then--Civil Air Patrol, Junior Volunteer Fire Dept., Cross Country Running, AP Spanish, Albany Research Program. I was even thinking of quitting the trade school I had enrolled in for aviation maintenance. I looked back at my last 4 years and all I saw was me quitting everything I tried. I felt lost, without a purpose. I felt like a failure with nowhere else to go and like a lot of my colleagues, I went to my last option, the military.

I started out going to the Navy to work on helicopters (at least that was my goal). I took the practice ASVAB and the end result turned out to be too low to do pretty much anything but basic labor maintenance like greasing the landing cables on the aircraft carrier. I felt myself go into an even deeper feeling of inadequacy and mediocrity, then I remembered my trade school classmate's words: "Marines never settle for mediocrity. We get it done, no matter what." Ed had served in the Marines for 5 years as a helicopter mechanic and I got from him and Rick, another classmate from the Navy to work on helos in the military. The Navy seemed a perfect fit for me, a well-rounded team to work with, a ticket to travel the world and benefits to help me through life after the military, but when the reality of my ASVAB scores set in, I left that all behind and go for broke. I was going to be a Marine.

I didn't know where else to go and I was sick of myself. I wanted to rebuild myself from the ground up, and the Marines were going to do that for me. It made perfect sense in my head. I was going to feel proud of myself for once. I was going to earn something for once. I went to the recruiter, had a good talk with him about the different careers in the Marines, and made my way home to prepare mentally as well as physically.

I took up the hobby of hiking and made it a habit to do it once per weekend to get in shape and build my endurance. Slowly, I improved, going from 5 miles to 10 miles, to 17 miles in one day. I felt good and hiking turned from just a way to train into a way to clear my head, then I started to see animals like deer and Osprey. I was enamored with just watching them and observing what they did. I got more and more into hiking that I wanted to branch out and try something new, something challenging--a mountain.

Mount Tremper was a 2,000 ft mountain in the Catskills of New York and was the first place I had ever gone outside my hometown without my parents.That in and of itself was an adventure, let alone the fact that I brought my 4 best friends with me to climb it. When we arrived, we found a campsite along the Esopus creek and we had a hearty dinner of burgers and hot dogs by the fire. Out in the distance, we saw Mount Tremper across the creek made visible at night by the moon. I felt like I was in a movie, ready to face my toughest challenge. The next morning, we set out to the trailhead and almost immediately, I felt different.

I noticed more than anything in the trip, the silence. There were no cars, no horns, no rushing trains in the distance or roaring jets overhead. There was the wind, blue sky, and the most dense forest I had ever seen. I was entranced by it all. As we made our way up the mountain, we made through our first set of switchbacks and then came to a straight section when one of my friends, Jeff, found a rather neat rock formation. We went off trail to take a look and we saw more going up. We followed it more and more. Eric asked if we should keep to the trail and I remembered that the trail switches back and we would pick up the trail further up. We kept at it and kept going for what felt like 2 hours before we started to worry. Where was the trail? We should have been there by now.

The trip that was supposed to be a thrilling adventure took a turn for the scary. I tried hard to keep my head straight and calm, for if I panicked, the rest would follow suit and we would surely be dead. We kept going and eventually, we made back with the trail and before long after that, we made it to the top and got a view that none of us ever saw before- as far as the eye could see, there were mountains covered in green and in the air soared a black hawk.

We made our way down, tired and sore, but I came back with a sense of something I had not ever felt before, grandeur. The New York I knew doesn't have mountains. It doesn't have peace or very much green. This, this was all new to me. I returned home with the stories of how we got lost and how we found our way back. I explained the rocks and the plants we saw to my aunt and then she said something that changed my life.

"You have a passion for nature Patrick. Have you ever put thought into being a docent or a park ranger? I could really see you doing that."

I didn't know what to say. I was so set on being in the military. I was set on being a Marine. I can't be a ranger, can I? I went to my computer and started to research the job and saw the iconic hat, the cavalry hat that every ranger wears. I started to look more and more and then, in the distance, my mom was watching something. I heard park and headed downstairs. She was watching a documentary, The National Parks: America's Best Idea. I sat down and watched it for a few minutes, then 2 hours later the episode ended. I was captivated by the stunning photography of all the places in the country. I had never put any thought into this piece of the country before and now, now I couldn't stop thinking about it. The documentary aired again on PBS for another 4 nights, covering in 6 parts the entire history of America's National Parks. I watched every episode. I couldn't look away and I didn't want to.

I had never felt this way, then my head trailed back to what my aunt said. I thought about it really hard. I had been hiking every weekend. Going all around Long Island's trails and I have had a terrific experience every time. To think I could get paid to show this to others. My head started turning and I started looking at colleges. I found the University of Montana and the College of Conservation and Forestry. For once in my life, I felt like I had a true purpose. For the first time, I was moving forward. I applied to the program and waited for the results.

A few months later, I took on another challenge, one far larger than Tremper--5 days hiking in the backcountry of the Great Smokey Mountains National Park, my first visit to a National Park: 30 miles, 7,000 ft of elevation change, and my first test with a new purpose in mind. I brought my same friends and embarked on a journey to the south. 13 hours later, we got to the Smokeys and I was once again filled with a sense of wonder and excitement. It looked even better in person. The mountains, the sky, the road, I was looking around everywhere, armed with a new DSLR camera to capture each moment.

Each day brought a new challenge. The first day tested our route finding and navigation skills. The second brought us damp wood from the temperate rain forest. The third brought up the climb to the spine of the Appalachian Mountains, and the last 2 brought the final challenge, the trek down the mountainside on a gravel road. In spite of all of it, I passed my test. I still enjoyed the trip and even more, I grew to love hiking more, then I got home.

The day I returned home from the hike, I looked on my email and noticed a letter, I had been accepted to the University of Montana. My life went from bad to amazing in just 2 years and it hasn't stopped. I moved to Montana, I attended school, I worked in the wilderness for the summer, I met a girl just like me, I fell in love with her and worked with her in Yellowstone National Park, and my journey goes on to this day. I don't know what the next will bring. I just know that I am ready. In all the failures I thought I made before, I now know they needed to be made in order to bring myself here.

To all those who feel they are in a rut or feel like nothing is going right: you have to fall to get back up. Make mistakes, take risks, make journeys and scrape your knees. You will find a brighter horizon in your travels and you will look back 4 years from now, strong and wise, your mind clear. For all of us to be what we envision ourselves to be, we all need a little struggle to show our greatness.