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Let's Pause The Candy Corn War And All Agree Circus Peanuts Are THE Worst Candy Of All-Time

Let's focus on the real tragedy here.

Gracie Dougherty

Oct 08, 2019

The Narrative

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Let's Pause The Candy Corn War And All Agree Circus Peanuts Are THE Worst Candy Of All-Time

Photo by ihazurchimp on Flickr

As fall and Halloween come around every year, the annual candy corn war begins. There are those that love candy corn and those that hate it - there is no in-between. Twitter and Facebook turn into a warzone as loved ones find themselves in a feud.

There are those who advocate for candy corn:

just (re-)realized it's october which means i can release this nuclear take: candy corn is good
— karen han (@karen han) 1570540060.0

I’m team candy corn, bitches
— Jennifer Gunter (@Jennifer Gunter) 1570548650.0

And then there are those who strongly advocate against candy corn:

Just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% against candy corn.
— Charlotte Clymer 🏳️‍🌈 (@Charlotte Clymer 🏳️‍🌈) 1570488952.0

Ranking the best Halloween candy: 1. Reese’s 2. Snickers 3. Sour patch kids 4. Twix 5. Milky Way 6. Kit Kat 7… https://t.co/KhiC7xaiV3
— Iowa Chill (@Iowa Chill) 1570492994.0

But the real issue here?Circus peanuts. Both candy corn lovers and haters need to come together and recognize that circus peanuts are the WORST CANDY OF ALL-TIME.

Circus peanuts are those nasty, Cheeto-looking, banana-flavored, peanut-shaped "marshmallow" candies that have somehow been around for many, many years. Just by the looks and description of them, I have absolutely no idea how anyone could eat these things, let alone enjoy them.

Why are they shaped like peanuts? Why are they flavored like bananas? Why are they bright orange? Why do they exist in the first place? WHYYYY?

Oh, and it gets even "better." These peanut-shaped "marshmallow" treats also come in three other flavors and colors: Vanilla (white), lemon (yellow), and cherry (red). I can't even imagine how awful those must be. Again, I must ask, WHY?

Besides, is there anyone out there who actually likes circus peanuts? I know many people who like candy corn, but I have not heard of ONE SINGLE PERSON liking circus peanuts. So, what's the point of arguing about candy corn when these terrible things exist?

Next time you find yourself in a candy corn argument, put aside your differences and remember the real tragedy here: Circus peanuts. You may not be able to agree on whether candy corn is good or not, but we can all agree that circus peanuts are disgusting and something we MUST PUT TO AN END.

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Let's Pause The Candy Corn War And All Agree Circus Peanuts Are THE Worst Candy Of All-Time

Let's focus on the real tragedy here.

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Sometimes, we just can't help the feelings we have

1. Wow. My voice sounds amazing with this song.

2. Okay, if you can't sing, don't do it.

3. But wait, I don't think I can be friends with someone who isn't going to jam out in the car with me.

4. Dance part in the car! Even when I'm alone. Because every song is my favorite.

5. Stop light. Act calm. Be cool.

6. Yes! Green light! Back at it!

7. I don't know this song, but I'm going to sing along anyway.

8. Why am I not famous yet?

9. Being next to someone who can't sing so you feel good about yourself because you rock!

10. OK, I'm so good. I need to sing louder so I can help these people out.

11. My voice doesn't reach some of those notes, maybe I should sit this one out.

12. Randomly bursting out in song and getting weird looks because of it.

13. God, thank you so much for giving me a good voice.

14. Man, I feel bad for people who can't sing.

15. Was I just humming? Did they hear me?

16. Having dance moves to go along with most songs.

17. Not being able to stop yourself at correcting people when they mess up.

18. Maybe I should post myself singing.

19. Nah, can't do it. Dumb idea.

20. Having my own personal concert in the shower. Every single time.

Normal people wouldn't understand

1. Having time to nap between classes or at all.

2. Waking up 10 minutes before your class starts and making it there in time.

3. Making it to class in general

4. Only having to hit the snooze button three times.

5. When you didn't do the homework and the teacher decides not to collect it for that day.

6. Getting that "I'm sorry, but class is cancelled" email.

7. Finding a quiet seat in the library.

8. Actually enjoying a class and understanding all of the material.

9. Having a friend to eat lunch with.

10. Finishing an assignment before the due date.

11. When there is free food on campus.

Becuase of all things to be addicted to, you're addicted to making money.

1. You can't remember your last day off.

2. Whenever someone asks to hang out, you're working.

3. When you do see your friends, you're in a "treating mood."

4. You work so much you don't have time to spend the money you're making.

5. You're too tired to function when you aren't working.

6. Finally seeing your friends and having way too much to catch up on.

83% of my trends in college would have been shamed in high school.

1. Eat

2. Be seen running across campus

3. Sleep

4. Skip Class

5. Blurt out

6. Wear dresses

7. Wear Crocs

8.Run on 4 hours of sleep

9. Use a Laptop

10. Crying

Because smiling gives you wrinkles.

1. “When I first met you, I thought you were a b*tch.”

2. Somebody asks you if you’re mad at them at least once a day.

3. You always look unamused. Even when you are very amused.

4. Anna Wintour is your spirit animal.

5. You are never approached by people who are tabling on campus.

6. You have to practice smiling before you get your photo taken.

7. The word “judgmental” is thrown at you on the daily.

8. You make people visibly uncomfortable in section by glancing at them.

9. Your parents thought that this was just part of a teenage phase, but this is actually just your face.

10. Your face could get you out of jury duty.

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