In one of the original Snow White stories, the prince is considered a circumstantial hero. What I mean by this is that he didn’t become a hero by putting forth effort or making great sacrifices. A circumstantial hero is simply someone who was in the right place at the right time to be considered a hero. For example, in the Grimm version of Snow White, Snow White is saved only because the servants of the prince stumble while carrying her in her coffin, which dislodges the chunk of poison apple from Snow’s throat. For this, he’s considered a hero, which is perhaps why Disney chose to have the prince resurrect Snow White with a kiss in the 1937 feature film.
Lucky for my writing, I’ve had a lot of time to mull over my relationships since I’ve been single. I keep coming back to the notion that I’ve been loved due to the right circumstances, and maybe more so than I’ve been loved simply for being myself.
My first relationship, rife with the new magic of youthful dalliance, had real love for a very long time. However, when it ended, that person continued to love me in a way that I couldn’t understand. It wasn’t that I didn’t reciprocate the feeling – I did, indeed. When you’re someone’s first almost-everything, it’s natural to feel a deep attachment to them. However, I believe now that maybe the strength of that love which continued on long after the relationship ended is a result of the circumstances.
The circumstances were that I was his first love and he wasn’t (and still isn’t) the type to put himself out there. We became a couple because I pursued him for two years and eventually grew on him like kudzu. The circumstances were right for him to continue loving me. It was never easy with me, but to him, it was easier than starting things with someone new. Every person you date comes with their own set of assets and flaws. They are usually not better or worse; simply different. If he started things with someone else, he’d have to learn about her skeletons, her soft spots, and her pet peeves, just as he’d learned mine. He had spent plenty of time growing accustomed to my flaws and though they were many, it was still simpler to go with the devil he knew, so to speak.
The only other time I’ve been truly loved also feels circumstantial, but for a very different reason. I was last loved by someone who truly loves everyone. This man was so kind that I’m certain he’d rip out his own spine if you told him you needed one. While his generosity was always genuine, it wasn’t special to be loved by someone this way. It would appear that I’m still in my immature phase where I want to tame the bad boy. A dark and unreasonable part of me wants a man that is good, but only to me.
I was in the right place at the right time to be loved by these people. Maybe there are people that I love only because of the circumstances in which I came to know them. I’m not writing about that because it’s too late to do anything about it. Whoever they are, they are etched into my heart for good. As someone who believes that God has a plan for us all, I like to think that we all meet by a cosmically crafted design. Whatever it was and whatever it meant, it was supposed to be that way for me. Maybe God wanted me to be loved by happenstance just so that I’ll know the real thing when it comes along.
