I was born and raised a Catholic, a cradle Catholic you might say. And I'm not going to lie, it can be a little boring at times. As a kid, I would squeeze into a bench with the four other members of my family along with two other larger families and that one woman whose purse is given more space than a child.
It was difficult to try and sit still and not crane your neck around to try to find your one friend that you know is also as bored as you and entertain each other with funny faces. And you weren't allowed eat in church unless you were a literal baby, and there was no way to avoid judgment if you accidentally dropped the kneeler and it made a loud noise that everyone noticed, despite having to pretend like they didn't hear it. And the homily? If you came at a different time than your preferred priest or if he was gone on a volunteer trip, you might be left with the priest that somehow makes the homily so long that even the deacon or altar serves might start nod off.
And they have to stay awake because everyone else can see them.
But despite all the issues I had with going to church as kid and dealing with uncomfortable clothes and pinching shoes, as time goes on, attending mass has become much less of a burden and more of a place of relaxation and peace, where I can just be with Jesus and His Father and it's great. Even with the screaming babies that always get dragged out like halfway through mass almost every time (Thank you Lord for quieting rooms).
Real talk, my church is very big and it's beautiful. It has the good pews, the ones with fabric seats, so your butt doesn't go numb after 20 minutes like it would on a just a wooden bench alone. And whether I am attending mass at home in Kansas City and back at KU at the St. Lawrence Center, the priests are so nice and amazing and they don't give dull homilies. They actually tell decent jokes and you get to laugh off a little stress, any lingering anxieties sort of poof away. And you get to relax and meditate and just pray, and the choir is always on point, hitting those notes so nicely. You get to talk to God and He'll answer you in his own ways and it's honestly just getting to go to therapy, but with great ambiance. And it's F.R.E.E.
People ask me why I go to church or ask if I was forced into it and stuff along those lines. And as you can see from above, my answers would have been different if you asked me 10 years ago vs if you asked me now. My faith is a very important part of my life. It gets me through the very difficult stages of my life, whether I have confusion about the path I'm on or just is worried about a sick family member, I truly do find peace when I go to church. I may start off reluctant on some days to even go, but without fail by the end of the mass I am so thankful that I was there that day and it can be scary how often the readings and homilies will apply themselves in some way to whatever struggle I'm going through at the moment. Like they say, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Yes, that sounds cheesy but it's true.
Some of the moments that I thought were my biggest failures, like not getting accepted into a specific school when applying to colleges, later turned into the best opportunity for me in the future. Before my I chose my current major in English, I had convinced myself that I wanted to be a doctor, but not for the right reasons. I had applied to a med school program and had passed all the other sections, except the interview. When I got the response that I hadn't been accepted, I was a complete mess. Tears everywhere, I felt so disappointed in myself and felt like I had let down my family especially. It was at this time I asked, "God, what the heck man? I prayed about this for months, what happened?"
When things don't turn out the way I want them initially, I foolishly turn my back on my faith and at that time, while I still attended mass, I didn't pray as much anymore and acted like it didn't matter anymore. Fast forward four years later, I am happily an English major and am so relieved that I was not accepted into that program because I would've been miserable. Still trying to figure out where to go next but, I got the Guy In the Sky looking out for me.
Going to church now... I still have days where I struggle with my faith and more specifically some actions of the Church and some of its beliefs, but I don't want to abandon it, not when it's helped me through some of the worst moments of my life. Honestly, God is there for you when it feels like no one else is and while He may not seem to be working as an active force in your life, He is most definitely there to listen, and sometimes that's all you really need someone to do for you. To listen. To love you without fail. The most important verse for me is John 13: 34-35, " A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another."
God is love, God is good, and church is my therapy.
