Growing up in church or in my church, specifically, I rarely understood that the politics or social climate affected people's walk. Now more than ever this culture is high offense and low apologetic so to speak. I just want to dissect "Church Hurt" and propose a plan to help God's people get some comfort on both sides from both the offended and the offender.

One thing I have realized is that church hurt is a global-wide problem it is not specific to any one organization or institution. It can take a moment to happen and years to repair. It often multiples through silence and is rooted in a lack of communication.

I have always been under the impression that,**insert old southern Baptist grandma voice here** "if someone leaves a church for the people there, they were going for people and not God!" And I have recited that and continued the notion that if you leave because of offense you never were going for the right reasons. Which is not necessarily untrue but also is not true for all situations.

If you find yourself in conflict often, if you find that you seek to be heard and acknowledge, if you are power hungry for a title, If you seek validation more than you seek his face when you enter the four walls. Then yes, you are going for the people and not God. & you are really breaking your own heart with the expectation for people to fill a place that ONLY God can reside.

If you continuously find yourself hurt by people because they offended you in ways that they do NOT know, that is a lack of communication. People in and out of the church are not mind readers. If it did not direct it is not respected, in my personal opinion. You better come straight to the source of who offended you because you go off at the mouth to the ones who didn't. Bringing others in on your offense without the intention to heal, bring a different perspective or help strategize how you can move on from the offense is nothing but gossip that in the end is fruitless.

& also this might hurt your feelings but the church is not your God. We have to stop idolizing and placing people in such positions in our lives that allow them to be our messiah. Also, I've learned this from experience, you can not wait on a "I'm sorry"... even though you're owed one. I get it.. seriously I do. I understand the need to want an I'm sorry as a validation or satisfaction for our wounds but in reality the only one that can heal the heart is the one who created it. No pastor, no deacon, no leader can ever take the place of Christ, their sole purpose is to lead you to him. Please please please it will save you a lot of hardship with your relations to people when you realize they are not your savior, you have ONE and he went to the cross 2,000 years ago.

Now...

For those who have been hurt by "churches".. no. You've been hurt by people IN the church and who maybe represent the church and I apologize so so sincerely and deeply. Because those who have been placed in authority have a role to uphold and respect the pulpit, the title, and the agenda of who Christ represents fully. I know personally so many families that have been deeply hurt by leaderships and ministries that have no resolve or closure.

I am sorry that one place of praise turned into a place of pain. I am sorry those who were supposed to the vessel to pour in made you feel drained. I am sorry for those who have never received an apology. I know firsthand how difficult it Is to forgive someone who isn't sorry. What I've come to realize is that it's not so much about the words but more the acknowledgment of wrongdoing.

Church hurt is real & tangible. It isn't a myth or some type of cliche people say to receive sympathy or charity. This is a problem in churches across America. The reason it is so prevalent in this community is because, like it or not "the church" is made up of people. Man. Man can not be perfect and it is really really one of the unfortunate truths of life. There is no perfect church, institution, ministry, organization or person. So I urge you to not put your faith in any other name besides Jesus Christ.

Churches!!! It is not comfortable or popular to admit when we've messed up. We have hurt people & people feel hurt by us. It's not space we like to be in. We have taken the role of the place people come to be restored and/or jumpstart their healing. But...what happens when people leave more broken from when they first came. What happens we DO offend someone. The tricky thing about offense is that we don't get to tell someone that you didn't.. we can not tell someone their pain isn't real or real to them. I don't want us to become doormats or be sensitivities playground. But the most beautiful thing is the church has the ability to take that, it can take offense, it can take the pain, it can take the abuse it's designed to be a place for the broken and not a museum of perfection. Just like the cross, it was designed for sin to come in and love to come out.

"I'm sorry" is not an admittance of defeat or confession of failure. If it is anything at all it's an acknowledgement and accepting of that pain. I think it's hard for the church to be seen as faulty because of image or agenda or even up-keeping generational standards. Sometimes I even find churches consider it noble of "staying above the fray" to not respond when there is a blatant wrong.

I think also we have to really really take care of the people God entrusted us with, we may not take responsibility when it hits the fan but we will be accountable. We will answer for the souls we encountered and the lives we touched and the ones dismissed and the ones we discarded.

Forgiveness and repentance is key in turning hardened hearts back to the Father. If an "I'm sorry" will ignite the love of God because it's witnessed and echoed through its leadership and people? Shoot. I'll say I'm sorry a million times with sincerity if it means Christ is exalted.

We have to do better, we must do better. We must elevate the level of which we operate. Not in the business of people pleasing but restoring, connecting, and nurturing relationships. It is a vital part of Christian walk to exemplify Christ in every way possible.

I don't want to put so much pressure on the word "church" I want people to stray away from generalizing their pain but instead direct it. Because directed conflict can be communicated closure. We are the church. We are the hands and feet of God. When they see us, they should see him. When they hear us, they should recognize him. I want us to BE the church. I want us to normalize apologies and vocalize offenses. I want us to be quick to forgive and quicker to receive it. I think one of the ways we further Christ's agenda is becoming forgiveness personified because that's what he was for us on that cross. We all play a part in church hurt, the offended and the offender. There is no right or wrong all there is communication and forgiveness. I pray we all show it.

My cousin said it so beautifully so I'll end with this, "God corrects privately before He does publicly. Always. The purpose of correction is NOT humiliation, it's for restoration.

It's hard to restore what we refuse to acknowledge is even broken." - Saphina Carla