All my life, I've been considered "churchless" because I've never belonged in a Church. For some Christians, they take pity on me and invite me to their church, while others are okay with it because they go through the same thing.
I am a Non-Domintnational Christian, which means I don't identify with a branch of Christianity. I'll take of the morals and rules of each branch and weave them into my life to follow in a unique way.
I never felt comfortable in a church because I know I commit sins on a daily basis (cursing, not being charitable enough, etc.), thankfully more churches are turning the other cheek and not starting the sermon with "we're all going to hell," a phrase I heard when I went to church with my dad once.
Granted most of the Churches I went to as a little kid were these small churches that often defined women as objects and should be under lock and key. As a little tomboy I was, I never understood that or the fact that I had to wear dresses when I went to Sunday Service, which as a little kid I hated with a passion. I did not feel comfortable in that environment, and my mom just started to go to school online when I was seven-years-old, so we no longer went to churches in our area until I was 17.
For the longest time, I doubted my faith because I was not a good Christian girl and going to church like I was supposed to do because for many people Church = validation that one is a Christian and I felt like I did not have the validation needed to be a Christian.
I took me years to realize that I do not need a Church to prove my validation as a Christian, but rather the love and relationship that I have with Jesus. A Church to me is a community that people want to be a part of and have bonded with people in the Church. With more Churches being open and not as strict, it may be a matter of time until I find a Church that I can finally belong in, it is just a matter of trial and error. Until then, the only one needs to know about my love of God and Jesus is me, not in a church that I don't belong.
