With Christmas getting closer and closer, I couldn’t be more excited. I love this holiday and look forward to it year after year. The lights, the music, the atmosphere just wraps around me and holds me all December long. But, the older I get, the harder this holiday gets for me and my family.

My family is really close, always has been and I imagine that won’t change as we continue to grow and move around. I love how close my family is, but I hate how hard it is once we lose a part of that close-knit group. This past year had been a tough one for me and my family, so this Christmas is going to be even more difficult.

When my great-grandma passed away, it was hard for my family to get back into the swing of things. Family get-togethers weren’t the same without my dad cracking jokes with her, or her singing “and many more” at the end of the Birthday song. Our first Christmas without her was tough, but somehow we all got through it together. And that was how I knew we could make it through anything.

In January of this year, my uncle passed away, leaving me and my family in another state of mourning. It has affected all of us in many different ways. it. My grandparents had to face losing their first child. My mother lost her brother that day. My anxiety and depression took root inside of me again after a few years of me learning to fight through. It hit all of us hard, but piece by piece we picked ourselves up and moved forward, just like he would want us to. There are times and days where memories are stirred up and the tears come back, but with love and support we are all able to keep living our lives.

Christmas has always been a warm and happy time with my family. It’s easily been my favorite holiday since I was a kid. Christmas was always a time for us all to be together, eating amazing food, appreciating each other and the closeness we share. But I know that this Christmas will be different.

It never seemed fair, losing someone you loved. How are we supposed to go about our lives when there are people missing from it? What is Christmas without family? Somehow, we all find a way to move forward. We live, but we never forget. Although the memories can be painful, it’s what we have with us and I’m so glad that I at least have those.

The one thing we all know about life is that one day we’re all going to leave it. But, we don’t actually accept that until it hits home. Christmas is the best, and I will never stop bringing in way too much Christmas cheer into my life, so much in fact that my boyfriend probably wishes I’d get run over by a reindeer. I’d like to think that somewhere up there, in Heaven or wherever you believe we go when we move on from this life, that the people that move on are still watching over us. They watch us open our presents, talk about memories from the past year or Christmases of years past. They smile as we sip our hot chocolate and eat our Christmas dinner.

The most important thing is that they’re watching us be happy, not only for our sake, but for theirs. I know that my uncle would be absolutely furious if we were sitting around on Christmas morning crying over him, and if there’s one person I never wanted to upset, it was him.

So, while we’re all sitting around our Christmas trees and fireplaces, spending time with our families, remember those who aren’t there in person with us. But, remember that they will always be there in spirit.