The Christmas Beaver Exists! | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

The Christmas Beaver Exists!

Undeniable evidence proves of the holy beaver's existence

686
The Christmas Beaver Exists!

In case the twelve maximum people who read my articles have forgotten, or just missed it, this is the time of year where we have to be mindful of the Christmas Beaver. No relation to Ronald the Beaver. Last year I explained how my family discovered the unheard of phenomenon of the Christmas Beaver. Long story short, my family found a decoration made up of Christmas lights that depicted a beaver gnawing down a tree. From this, we concluded that this must represent the legendary Christmas Beaver, who cuts down Christmas trees and delivers them to all of the moderately well behaved households in time for the holidays. Everyone else gets mauled to death and used for his dam made out of people. So for this year, I prove his existence.

This right here is a candid snapshot of the traditional Christmas Beaver light up decoration, depicting the holy creature chopping down a tree with his fearsome teeth. Look close at the tree.

Thin trunk, round formation of the green leaves at the top. This tree is no doubt, a mop birch tree. These trees are popular for their lolly-pop shape and convenient size for gardens. But there’s one important detail about these trees that I’m sure you have already caught on. They are birch trees, or betula trees to be scientific. As everyone knows, the birch tree is the official state tree of New Hampshire. And what is New Hampshire known for? That’s right -- winter sports. Many experts agree that Christmas is indeed in winter, which is the perfect time for winter sports.

So we’ve successfully connected the Christmas Beaver to Christmas. But what other proof do we have that the Christmas Beaver is real and should be feared? Let’s see how deep the rabbit hole goes. The results will shock you.

So Christmas takes place in winter, which is when people tend to participate in winter sports. People like the athletes in the Winter Olympics. Ever since 1968, The Olympic games commonly feature adorable mascot characters to represent the year the games took place. And who was the mascot for the 1976 Summer Olympic games? Amik, which is Anishinaabe word for beaver. It just so happens that Amik was himself a beaver.


Was Amik a cute mascot to represent Canada, where the Summer Olympics took place in 1976 or a reference to the blessed Christmas Beaver?

Case. Closed.

Now that the proof is laid out, you had better make sure you offer a sacrifice of neatly bundled lumber left on your front porch to avoid the Christmas Beaver’s holy wrath. Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, the beaver will find you and punish you for your refusal to acknowledge his presence. He doesn’t discriminate, unlike that antisemitic bastard with the reindeer. That guy sucks.

Christmas Beaver Prayer
"Glory to the magnificent teeth
The menacing eyes
Timber"
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

181003
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

7932
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

453000
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

23604
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments