1. Experimental procedure
I decided that I would treat this like an experiment. I had a question, hypothesis, an experiment, and a conclusion. I also created some rules for myself, because this required some guidelines. I decided to call it my undercover mission, even though this whole process was quite simple. However, I kept a journal and observed my thoughts beforehand. At first, I was terrified of several things: putting myself out there, not getting any matches, talking to people, etc. I also was extremely skeptical.
I’ve seen people who have found love or whatever on this app, but I didn’t think it would happen to me (and it did not). I also had an internal conflict going into this because I don’t think you should really judge a person based on a few pictures and a short little bio.
My rules included: don’t lead anyone on for fun, you can go on dates if asked, be careful, try not to tell anyone about this, don’t settle, always be sharing your location with your friends (in case you go on a date), and be yourself 100% of the time. I also reminded myself that my worth would never decrease, regardless of how this entire thing went. Finally, my question that I asked was “Are there good guys on Tinder?”
2. Initial observations
I realized some things about myself. The first is that I’m quite picky. I did not swipe right unless there were no pictures of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, shirtless pics, guns, fishing, or camo. If a guy had any of those things, it was an immediate no. I learned that I tended to like people with funny or interesting bios, and people that I could relate to.
Some people put quotes from the Office in the bios, and that made me more attracted to them because we had something in common off of the bat. I also learned this week that I’m the worst at flirting, as in that I cannot do it. I also saw that I was more critical of the pictures that I had chosen to display for my profile because I was trying to find my best ones.
3. Relief
The first person that I encountered on the app put my mind at ease. I had messaged him first because I had a question about something in his bio and after talking for a bit, I learned that he was also a skeptic, and he was also very different than what I had expected (in a good way). He told me that he loves Jesus (yay!), and we got to talk about faith, which was really cool. I learned so many things about him, and still really enjoy our conversations.
I proceeded to tell him that I was on this app to put myself out there (which I was) but also didn’t mention the experiment with my life for the sake of this article (sorry!). Although my initial motives weren't entirely genuine, I told myself that I was going to be 100% myself, and really give this whole experience a shot. With him, I’m super glad I did. At the end of the day, he could not be into me at all or plan on asking me out ever, and that's perfectly okay. However, I'll still be super grateful for him and the relief that he provided through this whole experiment with my life.
4. Surprises
One of the biggest surprises for me is that I actually had matches. I honestly didn’t see that coming. I describe myself as lots of things, like wonderful, compassionate, loving, outgoing, and adored by my Heavenly Father. The word “attractive” never really makes the list, but having matches meant that these people must have found me the least bit attractive, and it was super shocking. However, I don’t know if it boosted my ego or made me even more self-conscious.
5. Religion
Because I am a strong Christian, I didn’t know how this would be seen as by others. The negative stigma around Tinder is that it’s just used for hookups, which it primarily is. However, the entire time I felt so much shame in having it. I didn’t tell people, simply because I would feel judged. A strong, Christian girl with a Tinder?? Who is she???
However, I realized that if God has his hand in the rest of my life, he has his hand in this too. Having this app didn’t make me view God any differently because I still trust him with my entire life. I realized that he could definitely make sure that nothing works out for me, or he could make something happen. I kept asking for His will to be done, and He remained faithful.
6. Conversation starters
For the most part, I let everyone else message me first, and here's what I got.
This was probably my favorite random conversation starter, simply because it made me laugh out loud in the library.
Next, I got the classic boy move and respectfully declined.
Also, the next guy's message was the first and only line of our conversation. How original, am I right? (sarcasm intended)
Simple and effective.
And lastly, let's appreciate this for a second.
7. Conclusion
After meeting the first guy, he pretty much answered my question. There are only a few genuine people on this app (he is one of them), and it’s just a matter of finding the needle in a haystack. I do believe that people can find happy endings on this app, but I'm not sure if it will ever happen to me.