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15 Chris D'elia One-Liners That Prove He Is The King Of Comedy In 2019

His comedy special's title was spot on, he is on fire.

McKenna Tunney

Apr 08, 2019

UCLA

20061

15 Chris D'elia One-Liners That Prove He Is The King Of Comedy In 2019

Netflix

I love Chris D'elia because he truly just keeps it real, and isn't always walking on eggshells when he is delivering comedy. He is still respectful of all audiences but shows everyone that they should also be able to laugh at themselves and not take life so seriously. His content can also relate to all sorts of audiences and demographics. And truly I think he is someone that will actually just say what everyone is thinking.

This man truly keeps it real about love, friendships, crocodiles, you name it.

He isn't incredibly sensitive if people don't like him, he'll just keep doing his thing. And this is something that a lot of people nowadays have trouble doing. Being individuals that are comfortable with being themselves, cracking a few jokes, but of course still, be respectful. It's really hard for people to just be themselves, and not care about what other people are thinking, and if they might slip up and maybe hurt someone's feelings. Now, of course, I'm not saying that we all have to go around being brutal to each other, but it is alright to laugh at ourselves every now and then, it will definitely boost confidence. The confidence boost will come from being secure in who you are, loving yourself so that you can take a little roast from your friends every now and then, and then dish it back to them. It's so much easier this way, there isn't passive aggressiveness cause you are always getting it all out in the open.

We could all use a little Chris D'leia in our lives. So if anyone wants to support my dream of seeing him live, I'd be happy to make a gofundme.

So without further adieu, here are some random quotes that have really impacted my life, and if you really want to bring these quotes justice, go watch his special on NETFLIX and Youtube.

You're welcome.

1. "My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!"

https://goo.gl/images/uNJSTj

2. "Uh escuze me, I have a quhestion fer yhu"

https://goo.gl/images/K9WjB2

3. "Nothing matters to a drunk girl at all. Nothing you'd be like, "yo there's a crocodile right next to you. 'Uh, excuse me, I have a question for you. Is it your crocodile?"

https://goo.gl/images/V8StQN

4. "The shoes on my feet, I bought em!"

https://goo.gl/images/wuVFwP

5. "Just 100% do that zero times. How about that? OK?"

https://goo.gl/images/Nd7zDy

6. "Bye. Do it by yourself. Don't care"

https://goo.gl/images/YwzKNS

7. "We're not special. We're just people. It's fucked up to think about right?"

https://goo.gl/images/oB4vjz

8. "It's not gonna work out, you know? I mean, it might, but it won't. You know what I mean? But it could, but it's not going to, right?"

https://goo.gl/images/ZuKXQb

9. "You know what life is like? We're all extras in someone else's movie"

https://goo.gl/images/inQu8J

10. "Love is 'I guess'. You find yourself you 'I guess person' and have an 'I guess family'. That's what you do "

https://goo.gl/images/R1V1Ct

11. "Love is up and down and up and down and up and down and more down and up a little bit, but then down down, down, not up, down."

https://goo.gl/images/DYAUjF

12. "If I could distill love down into one moment, this right here would be the moment of love right here. 'Fucking move. Move over. Look at the other side of the bed'"

https://goo.gl/images/B9XGBQ

13. "That's what love is. Walking around the airport with three bags and two eyes. And you told her to pack one bag, but somehow you're holding three!"

https://goo.gl/images/qBmXEp

14. "People that workout and won't shut the fuck up about it. I cannot stand that shit. You don't matter that much, okay?"

https://goo.gl/images/F9uZK7

15. "Like, you're not really doing much, okay? Who the fuck are you inspiring? All you do is move weight around and eat extra chicken, right?

https://goo.gl/images/Dx3pkv

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15 Chris D'elia One-Liners That Prove He Is The King Of Comedy In 2019

His comedy special's title was spot on, he is on fire.

In This Article:

1. "My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!"

2. "Uh escuze me, I have a quhestion fer yhu"

3. "Nothing matters to a drunk girl at all. Nothing you'd be like, "yo there's a crocodile right next to you. 'Uh, excuse me, I have a question for you. Is it your crocodile?"

4. "The shoes on my feet, I bought em!"

5. "Just 100% do that zero times. How about that? OK?"

6. "Bye. Do it by yourself. Don't care"

7. "We're not special. We're just people. It's fucked up to think about right?"

8. "It's not gonna work out, you know? I mean, it might, but it won't. You know what I mean? But it could, but it's not going to, right?"

9. "You know what life is like? We're all extras in someone else's movie"

10. "Love is 'I guess'. You find yourself you 'I guess person' and have an 'I guess family'. That's what you do "

11. "Love is up and down and up and down and up and down and more down and up a little bit, but then down down, down, not up, down."

12. "If I could distill love down into one moment, this right here would be the moment of love right here. 'Fucking move. Move over. Look at the other side of the bed'"

13. "That's what love is. Walking around the airport with three bags and two eyes. And you told her to pack one bag, but somehow you're holding three!"

14. "People that workout and won't shut the fuck up about it. I cannot stand that shit. You don't matter that much, okay?"

15. "Like, you're not really doing much, okay? Who the fuck are you inspiring? All you do is move weight around and eat extra chicken, right?

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#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

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