Last summer, I was a contestant in the 79th Annual Miss South Carolina Pageant in Columbia, South Carolina. I was representing the town of Inman as Miss Inman. This was my third year at the Miss South Carolina Pageant (the first year I placed in the top 15 as Miss Tyger River and the second year I placed in the top 10 as Miss Spartanburg) and I was feeling pretty good about myself! I never thought I "had it in the bag" or thought I was the "it girl" but I felt that if I work hard, I just might win this! I purposely took a year off from going to graduate school and working full time to dedicate myself to this pageant. I trained my body to make sure I was ripped for swimsuit, practiced my talent until I could not do it anymore and drilled myself with interview questions until I was blue in the face. As a matter of fact, I was a whopping 115 pounds when I competed at Miss South Carolina.

During the week of preliminary competition, I just knew I put my best foot forward in every phase of the pageant. So by finals night, I was feeling like I could actually have a shot at winning the crown and have the opportunity to compete at Miss America. On finals night, I stood there as I waited for them to call my name for the top 15...they called my name. Top 10....they called my name. And when they got to the top 5 I could not believe it but they called my name. After three years of trying, I was in THE top 5 out of over 50 girls to win Miss South Carolina. But it was a weird feeling. I was excited, nervous, anxious and scared to death. (I was also on live television so thousands of people were watching and literally almost peed my pants countless times...no big deal.) After being announced in the top 5 and answering my on-stage question, I walked off stage feeling so....done. After 6 months of strict dieting, training and pushing myself to the limits I didn't know I had, I was done. When we walked back on stage for the crowning, I had this gut feeling I was not going to win. But I kept telling myself that it was just negative energy and I needed to get rid of it. But just like Olivia Pope, my gut was spot on. I didn't win. I was so happy for the person that did win because she was (still is) a good friend of mine. But I could not shake this feeling that I did not win because I simply was not good enough.

I spent weeks sulking and beating myself. I replayed the week of that pageant in my head and I kept thinking about what I could have done. But one day out of NOWHERE, I got a weird phone call from my boss saying a school in Anderson, South Carolina was looking for a dance teacher. I applied for the job two days later, interviewed on a Friday and was hired 30 minutes after my interview. Because I competed in pageants through the Miss South Carolina/Miss America Organization, I am now a graduate student and my tuition is paid for in full.

*PRAISE FREAKING BREAK*

So why did I decide not to compete anymore? Why did I not try again? I had two years of eligibility left. Why did I not compete until they told me I couldn't anymore? Why did I walk away from a life I thought I wanted?

God told me no.

There was a reason that I did not win that pageant. God had another plan for me. But He wanted me to experience that season because He knew those were lessons I needed to learn in order to prosper in the plans that He had laid out for me. He wanted me to realize that I did not need the approval of a group of people to feel validated. Because I am His means I am already validated. He did not want me to keep competing. Even though I had the opportunity to, He said, "Walk away, Lustra."

Now, I will still support pageantry. Because of the Miss South Carolina Pageant, I am able to market myself to any and everyone, walk into a job interview feel confident in myself and abilities and I met some of my best friends through competing. I even have best friends that compete and I will be in the audience cheering them on and acting a plum fool. But the next time some says something about how I look, my size or whatever, I just remember these three mantras

1. I am fearfully and wonderfully made

2. No man dictates who I am

3. Remember your purpose.

You were put on this Earth to fulfill a purpose that God gave you. Use the gift He blessed you with and fulfill the purpose He gave you.

So to my sisters competing in pageants, there can only be one winner and 9/10 you won't be her. And that's okay. God did not put on this Earth to win a pageant. He put you on this Earth to use your spiritual gift to glorify Him. Don't beat yourself up about not winning. He has another plan for you. Never compete because someone told you that you should. Stop wasting your time doing something for attention and immerse yourself into LIFE. When I decided to stop competing, I never truly wanted to be or ever want to be Miss South Carolina. It was a lesson that I clearly needed to experience in order to grow. Don't do a pageant to see or noticed. Do it because you seriously want to better yourself and be an asset to society. And when that crown isn't put on your head, God is working on a plan for you that will exceed all of your expectations. Trust Him. He's got you and won't ever let you go.

Remember who you are and whose you are.

Spread love. Spread Joy. God Speed.

Lustra <3