This is Part 3 of my story of Why I Chose My Religion.
Find Part 1 here.
Find Part 2 here.
As I was saying in Part 2, my mom’s death changed my perspective to value life as precious since it’s fleeting, and soon my whole life would change.
High School and Life Changes
Junior year of high school. I cared about people more, ceased making fun of others for the most part, and instead I tried to only say positive things about people and be encouraging.
Randomly in the locker room one day, some friends of mine told me a different friend called me stupid in class earlier and then they laughed about it. Weird, I thought, since I was taking no classes with that person this year.
Yet, it made me think.
Why am I being perceived by this person as stupid? What am I doing in life? Where am I going?
Being called stupid might have been one of the best things that ever happened to me in leading me to God. This was not the only trigger God used to bring me to him, but it is one of the memorable ways out of the plentiful he used.
I reconsidered my life and realized I was not living for anything worthwhile. Sports, video games, porn, cutting up in class, and hanging out with friends were fun in their given time, but not fulfilling.
I felt empty and depressed outside the fun of those moments.
I decided to reach out to God even though I spoke to him as little as my mother during the years of her illness. Or rather, looking back, I think he reached out to me. I began talking to him and confiding in him.
Then God changed my life.
One night, I called out to him desperate for a relationship with him. I said, “God, I don’t want to do this anymore. This isn’t working for me, this life I’m living. I want you to change me and take control of my life. I know you’re the only one who can fulfill me though I lived like anything could."
I submitted my life to him. I loved him and felt his love. He enabled me to obey him.
Earlier in my life, I would either try to get rid of my porn addiction by my own strength and count the days without it until I slipped or even ask God something like please take away porn addiction and not actually want him to do it.
When I started trying to obey him because I loved him, I felt it almost natural to obey, and want what he wanted for me rather than what I had previously wanted for myself.
My desires aligned with his.
On this particular night, I actually wanted to follow him, and I sincerely prayed for him to change my life.
He did.
Not only did God show me mercy and take away my porn addiction, but he also took away my video game addiction which I did not even realize I had at the time or ask for, and I was definitely thankful.
He gave me new life and changed my heart to yearn for him. In God, I found true satisfaction and followed his commands from love rather than obligation. It was not something I earned − this relationship with God. It came free by his grace.
Let me talk about his grace for a moment.
God’s Grace to Me and You too
God, THE ONE AND ONLY awesome, loving creator and sustainer of the universe made all things in the beginning. Yet, the first humans – Adam and Eve although they knew and walked with God, committed the first sin by making themselves the rulers of their lives rather than God.
How do we know this?
We’ve been doing the same thing ever since.
If you’ve read Parts 1 and 2, you’ve gotten a glimpse of how I was a dirty rotten sinner. Though video games and porn were two of the idols or replacements for God in my life, I was number one. My life was for me and I was living for myself. I played by my own rules and lived to fulfill my lusts.
So why didn’t God just smite me?
when I disobeyed and talked back to my parents and grandparents day after day after day
when I sought immorality.
when I annoyed my brother for fun all the time
when I bullied my classmates
when I angrily punched my own little sister in the face one foul day in middle school
when I treasured myself and all the pleasures of this life more than him
when I, when I, when I, when I…
You get the picture.
Still, God didn’t smite me out of this world.
You know what he did instead?
He loved me.
God loved me and the whole world so much that he sent his one and only son, Jesus the Christ (or Messiah, Savior, Deliverer, Rescuer) down to the earth to live the perfect life that we couldn’t and die in our place on the cross since the penalty of sin is death. He took my place on spiritual death row.
It doesn’t end there. After three days in the grave, God raised Jesus from the dead. Through his death and resurrection, Jesus conquered death itself, sin, and even the devil.
The Bible says, that if we believe that Jesus is who he says he is, God, submit our lives to him as the rightful ruler of all things, and turn from our sin through the strength he provides, we can share in his death and resurrection, be reconciled to God, and have new life now and eternal life in heaven.
I did this. I submitted to God because I realized how he first loved me while I was a sinner, and sent Jesus to die for me. I received new life from God giving the Holy Spirit to dwell in me.
After the fact, God molded me into a different kind of person.
Jesus was once asked what the two greatest commandments were.
He said “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
God made me into a person who does just that: I love God and people. I do this not by my own goodness or ability but by the power of God through the Holy Spirit to make me more like Christ.
After that big change in my life, I realized God did many things in my life to bring me into this relationship with him, more than I can recount. One of the biggest things he did was give me my family.
Realization After Salvation
My father and grandparents modeled Christ's love to me those ten tough years through taking such good care of my mom and me all of the time she was sick, and God made everything work for good.
My grandparents dropped everything in New Mexico and came to live near us in Cary, NC, to come over to our house every day, feed my mom, take her to the bathroom spend time with her, pick me up from school, made me do homework and chores, and they helped us live as normally as possible.
They cooked dinner for us almost every night and spent hours preparing it. This was fantastic eating. They kept my siblings and me from attacking each other. They disciplined us with good habits like making our beds and putting our clothes in the hamper. They shared encouraging scripture with us.
My dad remained loyal to my mom too. Whenever my grandparents weren’t at the house taking care of her, he made it his priority. He fed her and took her to the bathroom too. He kept sleeping in the same bed with her until the last year or so when she had trouble rolling off and had to sleep in her recliner.
He did not think of putting her in some sort of nursing home facility, or worse, divorcing her as is common practice in our country today when things don’t get well. He and my grandparents both sacrificed their time and efforts to take care of her, me, and my siblings, and they gave their all.
Once someone praised my grandparents for making the sacrifice to come take care of us, and they simply responded to the person, “We don’t consider it a sacrifice. Our daughter needed us, and we helped her. It’s what you do.” I was blessed to have such faithful parents and grandparents.
These and so many other people loved and worked on me throughout my life, sharing the love which they also received from God. I cannot name them all, but I am supremely thankful for everyone who impacted my walk with God: friends, family, teachers, coaches, mentors, pastors, even strangers.
Why I Chose My Religion
I chose Christianity because I sought God, and he answered. Perhaps he was seeking me the whole time. Either way, he entered my life and made it worth living. He's there for me, and I can always call on him.
Nowadays people sometimes think I’m a good person or have always been good because I try to treat others with Christ's love as much as I can. This is NOT the case. I used to be a prideful, selfish sinner.
However, God welcomed me into a relationship with him and changed my life forever.
I am not who I once was. I am a new creation in Christ.
I long to follow Jesus and know him better every day. I still sin, but my focus is on Christ and turning toward him, away from sin.
Jesus changes all who believe submit their lives to him.
If you haven’t placed your faith in him, try it. I dare you.
Just ask God to step into your life and see what happens.
"You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you."
