You know how there’s that thing where if a woman needs a fresh start, she’s supposed to change her hair? Whether that means cutting a lot off, or dying it an eccentric color—it’s a stereotype that I’ve fallen into for most of my life. I’ve been changing my hair and style for as long as I can remember. But my most drastic change by far was when I chopped 18 inches of hair off as a freshman in high school.
This was the greatest turning point of my life as a woman for many reasons. I decided to make this change relatively out of the blue. It was June and I was about to turn 15, and obviously fourteen year olds are the best decision makers. Ironically, this decision was probably the best one I’ve ever made, and this simple cosmetic change shaped my entire future. It was also a choice I made on a whim; I was spontaneous and didn’t overthink it. It was 2010 and Emma Watson, my adolescent idol, had cut all her off after the "Harry Potter" series filming came to a close. My mom mentioned to me that I had the same bone structure and facial shape as Emma, and that I should cut all my hair off. I decided to listen to her...which was rare for 14 year old me.
My hair at the time was the longest it had ever been, hitting about six inches past my shoulders. I remember saving a picture of the illustrious Ms. Watson onto my iTouch, bringing it into my local Supercuts and telling the stylist that was what I wanted. She ended up being more nervous about the cut than I was, making me sign a “Drastic Hair Change” form and repeatedly asking me if I was positive about going through with it. At the time, I’m not sure I had really thought it through, somehow was convinced that it was the best idea. So off it went, my long, blonde hair covering the linoleum floor of that Supercuts. The end result was as follows (excuse my tragic filter):
I remember looking in the mirror the first time and crying (hence my reddened face in my “after” picture) because of how long it was going to take to grow back. My hair had completely changed my look, and I knew the days of Hollister T-shirts with skinny jeans were over. I looked much more mature, and my style needed to reflect my mature haircut. I posted a picture on Facebook a few hours after I cut it, and got all sorts of reactions from peers and family members. Pixie cuts weren’t really hip with my generation at this point, so this was kind of a total shock to everyone I knew. I showed up to my Biology exam the following day in a new, more stylish ensemble with my stylish haircut and felt like an entirely different girl. And people treated me differently, too.
I found that this haircut weeded out a lot of bad things for me—mainly bad relationships. The summer I cut it all off, I had a guy break up with me because he thought I “looked like a lesbian” and didn’t want to be seen with me. I had friends tell me that they “didn’t get why I wanted to look like a boy,” and that I should consider investing in a wig. Yes, fifteen year olds are vicious creatures, but these comments affected me in a bigger way. I noticed that individuals who ended up voicing rude and negative opinions towards my choice were actually rude and negative people all the time, to everyone! I also discovered that my mom had been right about a lot of things, especially what sort of style works for a tall, lanky girl with no curves. She definitely steered me in the right direction, which was essential for me to help figure out who I was. I mean, look how hip I became!
My short hair also ended up benefiting my career as an actor and student. Having a pixie cut opened up roles that I wouldn’t have gotten had my hair been longer, roles that were edgier and more complex than the parts I had been cast in beforehand. I got to play an array of roles over the course of my first year with my pixie: Peter Quince, Aunt Eller, Peter Pan and many more. I got cast in a professional production of Tracy Letts’ “August: Osage County” because I had a certain edgy appeal because of my hair that made me more versatile, and was able to dye it blue for the show. My opportunities kept growing, and I attribute most of those opportunities to my hair length.
When I came to college, I found that even more girls my age had started cutting their hair off. Granted, I attended a very liberal school where free expression in terms of appearance was much more common. I felt empowered by my short hair for the longest time, especially by the fact that I could dye it any color I pleased and cut it any way I wanted and it would change and grow back so quickly. It made me more comfortable with change, something I struggled with in my adolescence. But as quickly as my hair changed, I began to as well.
Over the past year, I grew tired of my short hair. I had been frustrated with the process of growing it out in the past, but I finally decided to move past the mullet stage and keep going and growing. My hair is shoulder length now, and it’s taken a year. After living without my pixie cut for 18 months, I’ve noticed how people’s opinions change. Most guys prefer girls with longer hair, and men are much more forward with you when your hair is longer, especially when it comes to catcalling. I don’t feel more or less attractive in any way, but men seem to find a woman with long blonde hair more appealing. Having shorter hair was empowering in the sense that I worried about harassment much less, because I was the only validation I needed to feel beautiful. Having longer hair now, I find I look to people’s opinions on my appearance much more than I used to, as well as caring a lot more about how I look.
People ask me all the time if I’d cut my hair off again, and my answer is always yes. Having super short hair as a woman is an enlightening experience. You learn to love your natural beauty so much more. I encourage every woman to cut her hair off at some point in her life, because it changed mine. My self-confidence soared after I cut my hair off, I felt lighter (literally) and more driven and unique. I felt more like myself, because I was the most raw and exposed version of myself. Any woman can cut her hair—don't worry about silly things like face shape or bone structure, just do it. Try it out. It’s less work to style, obviously, but it’s also less to worry about. Yes, you're going to need a ton of bobby pins and headbands, but it's worth it! Why? Because you'll look in the mirror and see your most exposed, beautiful self. And really, what more do you need as a woman?
