I grew up in a Cape Cod home, on a dead-end street, with a big backyard and the most beautiful maple tree you could ever imagine. My days were full – building stick forts and running through the woods using my wild imagination. As I grew up, through my childish eyes, life seemed close to perfection. I had a beautiful home, caring family and quite the incredible life ahead of me. I used to think I was happy, that life could not possibly get any better, but suddenly that perfect life seemed to disappear.

On my fourteenth birthday, my mom received devastating news that she had cancer and a little over a month later, my dad was diagnosed with the same disease. For almost two years my family struggled through these illnesses and what seemed to be a never-ending fight. There was a great deal of waiting, praying and hoping that treatments would work and that God would heal my parents. Through endless hospital visits and seeing my parents go in and out of remission, I became adjusted to the routine of pushing through each day just to make it by.

In December of 2010, I got a call from my dad saying that my mom was in dire condition. I remember the first time I saw her, deep in a coma, covered in hospital wires and tubes. Almost 24 hours after, I watched my mom pass on from this life into eternity, on one of the sunniest days I’ve ever seen. If I close my eyes, I can still remember my time at the hospital vividly. Sitting next to her throughout the night, holding her hand, and whispering, “I love you,” wondering if she could hear. After she passed, reality eventually set in and real life had to start again, real life without my mom. On one hand, we were rejoicing. Rejoicing that God had healed my dad and had taken away my mom’s pain, by bringing her home to be with Him, but on the other hand we were very broken, broken without my mom.

I longed for happiness. I prayed for hours that God would alleviate the pain that was upon my heart and my family. Because of my life circumstances, I had to grow up fast; I graduated high school at 17, got a real job and started sorting through life. I knew that in order to find contentment in my circumstances, I needed to make substantial changes in my life. I started college and finished my freshman year before I had even turned 18. God used people in powerful ways to get a hold of my mind and heart, allowing me to grieve and teaching me how to move forward.

I thought I knew what happiness was, before I experienced the pain of death. I thought that happiness was walking around with a smile, having it all together on the outside and sometimes on the inside. I thought that happiness was never vulnerable and always put together.

Months after my mom passed, I remember reading a verse from 2 Corinthians, where Paul says that in all his troubles, his joy knows no bounds. This verse impacted my heart and my soul. I craved joy, I begged God to show me in powerful ways what joy meant and how I could have it. I knew that joy was so much more than happiness, that joy could change me from the inside out, which could have the potential to rid my bitter heart of all its filth and make me new.

God answered. God grew me as an individual and taught me to walk in joy, to grieve with hope and know that joy is not the equivalent of happiness. Joy is not the absence of sadness. Joy does not mean there is no place for grief.

Joy is contentment.

I started choosing joy. I started choosing to find contentment and trust in God’s plans, knowing that they are much higher and wiser than my own, human, flawed plans. I started choosing hope. I’m choosing to gaze upward, knowing that the God that has mended my soul longs to give peace. He longs to pursue hearts and heal the broken. I’m choosing to hope in the unseen, that no matter the trial, no matter the tragedy, God will restore it.

Wherever you find yourself in life and whatever you are going through, know that joy is always possible. Beauty can be transformed out of ashes. Disasters can be formed into masterpieces.

Know that joy is not a fleeting happiness, but deep down contentment in God’s plan, trusting that it is for our own good. I have learned that time is short and that is all the more reason to share love with a very broken world. Know that there is redemption and beauty that can come out of the darkest places in your life, seek that beauty with all your heart and allow God to show it to you.

Know that life is full of little joys and finding those can change your outlook, despite the deepest scars that may burden your soul. It’s about laughter filling a room, perfectly square ice cubes, the smell of oranges hitting your nostrils, dancing in the kitchen, eating donuts with multi-colored sprinkles, or late-night slushy runs.

Joy is about appreciating beauty, in all of life and in all people. It’s about giving that extra hug, saying “I love you” as many times as you can, knowing that in any moment, life could be over. It’s about pointing out the good in people and speaking grace with truth when necessary. It’s about adventure, finding who you are in Christ and sharing that with the world.

In the journey of life we encounter millions of moments, and it’s time we start taking every opportunity we are given and be remarkable. So, start choosing joy. Start living with intentionality, knowing that joy is an inward change that flows outward. Start seeking contentment, knowing that true joy is birthed from a content heart, not questioning your journey, but knowing that is exactly where you are meant to be.