My therapist said self-talk is part of the key to emotional well-being.
She explained how annoying it can be when people tell others to, "just choose joy." But she also said there's some truth in needing to do that.
We may not be able to control the thoughts and emotions that enter our brain and heart, but we can choose how to cope with them. We can choose where to turn our mind to. We can choose to work through the emotions. We can learn to battle what we are facing, and we can come out on the other side victorious.
To be honest, it really frustrates me when people use the phrase "choose joy" in an unhelpful way. They expect a permanent smile to be a band-aid for depression. But depression doesn't need to be covered up. It needs to be dealt with.
Self-talk is not a negative response to emotions you are feeling, but a gentle reminder to work through them to find the truth again.
Choosing joy is not forcing the feeling, but pursuing it. Looking for it. Asking for it anyway.
Self-talk is not pretending away your emotions. It is validating them while grounding yourself in truth since emotions and truth rarely align.
The fullness of joy can only be found in acceptance of reality, not denial. If pretending you're happy is your means to "choosing joy," you will never find true, rich, deep joy. You will only make yourself a mask to hide behind.
The truth is that more often than not, choosing joy changes nothing but our perspective. Choosing joy means choosing to look outside of ourselves and our circumstances to Someone who can give light and peace and the true joy we could never attain for ourselves.
For me, to choose joy means to choose Christ. To continue to look up, to trust, and to praise, even when it hurts. Even when I'm curled up in a ball unable to function. Even when the tears won't stop and the anxiety and panic won't quiet down. Even when I can't sleep. Even when all I feel is the pain. Even when I can't find the strength to keep going, I will use the breath I struggle to catch to look up. Even if I fall, I will fall gazing upwards, and I will see Him picking me back up into His arms. Choosing joy means choosing to listen to the still, small whisper that says, "This is not the end. I've got you, baby girl. I am carrying you. I will make all grace abound to you, so you can carry on. I will be your joy so that it might be full and complete and your strength always. Choose to let me carry you." When I do that, He does, and He helps me to find my smile again.
He gives me reasons to smile. My life may never be without struggle, but that doesn't mean it will be depleted of joy. I'm thankful for the little things that bring joy, the reminders that there are things to notice and love and connect to. Right now, I'm thankful for the deep love and tight hugs, for endless cups of coffee and tea, for the smell of pumpkin bread in the oven, and for the feel of fall when I open my windows. I'm thankful for sweatshirts. I'm thankful for music. I'm thankful for colors.
And I'm learning that choosing joy and fighting back with it may never make the rain stop falling, but it can help me see how the rain is watering the flowers I love so much.
