I am still searching for myself, and finally accepting the gray area within my life, even within my name, is my first step.

"Stephanie." The name that is written on all of my legal documents and formal papers is the name that is used the least amount of time to describe me. It takes anyone... friends, teachers, family members, people that meet me only once who I myself forget the names of, to start calling me "Steph," changing that oh-so-long nine letter name of mine into a simplistic, short-end-of-the-stick five-word version.

Growing up, this "Steph" imposter started to have me really hate my name. Whenever I heard "Stephanie" come out of the mouths of my new teachers, during that grueling getting-to-know-you roll-call at the beginning of the year, I quite literally cringed. I felt like my parents had cursed me with such a long, tiresome name that everyone felt the need to shorten, and I let that affect how I saw myself.

"Stephanie" is me, so why did everyone feel the need to shorten me and my identity, and why did I have no say in the nickname process?

Make that nickname of yours your identity

Coming to college was my first time truly being exposed to the roots of my name. My mom, an avid Stevie Nicks fan, had named me after her, passing down her love and roots to her next love: me. When introducing myself to all of the new people I encountered throughout my first year of college, telling them why my name was indeed Stephanie, they started asking me why I never went by Stevie. I had never had a choice in my nickname, it was always decided for me by the laziness in teachers and individuals of not wanting to sound out "Stephanie." I started experimenting with the name Stevie, and it has not only helped me to get in touch with why my name is Stephanie, but it has also brought me closer to my mom.

Finding yourself is a process, but getting in touch with why my mom gave me the honor of being called Stephanie in the first place has allowed me to appreciate my background and myself more, because, for the first time, I am in touch with my true identity, not just sounding it out. I feel the connection with my and my name, I am not just going through the semantics.

Call me what you want: Steph, Stevie, Veronica. But I will always be Stephanie, and for the first time in my life, nothing makes me happier.