It rained today.

Sharp pellets fell from the sky like pebbles that peppered my back

Soaked through my jacket

And into the creases of my converse.

Low screamed the blinking light of my gas gauge- I pulled into the closest station.

At pump 14, my heart began to race.

An older man pulled up

His beard, scraggly and grey

His eyes, hungry

Stones of ice lined my stomach

And did not melt until I had put enough distance between myself and that gas station...

Between myself and that man.

Errands stayed on my mind, ticking time bombs of reminders that I needed to fulfill before the countdown ran out.

I picked up an apple at Stop & Shop, tracing the red skin with my eyes in search of imperfections and bruises

And it dawned on me- the only reason I am deciding between these waxy and overpriced apples, is because I am afraid.

There is a reason I frequent the same gas station- because I know the the area is busy, because it is in full sight of a small complex, because it is safe.

There is a reason I choose Stop and Shop- because I know the layout of the store, because I would rather skirt around a small old woman, than a leering man with eyes like dirty hands who make my stomach form knots like the tangled hair on my old dolls.

My actions have a purpose.

My actions are based around survival- taking note of dangerous situations, reading the signs, taking precautions,

Listening to my mother’s words like notes of a lullaby floating around my ear drums.

They rest like butterflies on my lobe and tickle my skin.

This is the life of a woman. This is the life of someone who can find potential danger in almost every situation she encounters- from parking too far from the shop, to accepting a ride from a friend, to rejecting a come-on.

There are minuscule dangers present all around, and it has always been second nature to respond in this way.

This is the world we live in- where the most mundane tasks are surrounded by bear traps, and one wrong move means you’re caught- done. This is not a game. These are our lives. This is war.

Safety, unfortunately, is not a human right. It is not a guarantee.

It is something we must fight for, and maintain for our own well-being.