We all know that chocolate is a girl's best friend. However, girls who say they want a boyfriend or that they need a guy to make them feel better about themselves entirely forget about chocolate paired with their previous heartbreaks if they have that sort of experience. Let's face the fact that chocolate is so much better than boys, so you should keep chocolate as your #1 priority.
1. It won't break your heart.
Whether you are going through a breakup or you are just depressed, chocolate will not let you down. It will give you that big bear hug you have needed all day.
2. According to doctors, it is beneficial to your health.
That's right! While it is probably old news to many people, there are the select few that have never heard this. Neither am I a doctor, nor am I pre-med, but if you are allergic to chocolate, I would then advise avoiding it for the personal self-esteem issues that you may or may not have. It is common knowledge that boys are anything but beneficial to women's health.
3. It will watch whatever Netflix movie or TV show without complaint.
No more arguing over what you should watch with that boy who may or may not have broken your heart. If your husband doesn't even do this with you, please, please, please bring chocolate into the mix by using it as a snack so that maybe he will enjoy some with you while watching what you want to watch.
4. It doesn't smell weird.
Without having to think about it, we can all agree that chocolate smells quite delicious. Boys, on the other hand, have gross stenches.
5. It doesn't call you a bad driver when it is driving home with you from the store.
If I ask every lady to raise her hand if she has even been called a bad driver by a boy, regardless of whether or not he has ridden with her driving, 99% of them would probably raise their hands. I'm not that great of a driver, and I realize that, but I don't want boys reminding me of my driving skills or lack thereof. There's an easy solution for this one: drive with chocolate.
6. It won't pressure you or force you into do things you don't want to do.
It's a good thing you no longer have that annoying itch on your back when you are in the car listening to rap way too loud. Even when changing the station or doing something as little as turning down the volume, some boy keeps turning back the station or turning up the volume. Chocolate won't do that to you. It loves and supports you no matter what your taste in music or how quiet you like your car speakers.
7. It will make sure you know you are the most beautiful being alive.
We all want Paul Rudd to tell us how gorgeous we are. JUST LOOK AT HIM. Unfortunately, he cannot tell us the non-existent limit of our beauty. Luckily, there is chocolate that will do the job for both him and that boy who broke your heart even if the boy did nothing but ignore your smile you gave to him on the bus to a class that one cold, overcast morning. All you needed was a smile to brighten your day and to warm you from the inside out, but he couldn't even do that.
8. It is there for you to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, through sickness and in health, and until death do you part.
While traditional wedding vows are the best, chocolate doesn't have to say anything because it signed that contract at the checkout.
Kick boys to the curb so that you can focus on your academics because boys are just going to be a distraction, especially if you cannot find a boy who fulfills all of your standards. Chocolate won't let you down or distract you. It will always satisfy your requirements no matter how high or low they are, so you should keep it around.
