I've been seeing an explosion of articles lately encouraging parents to have the brave conversation with their children's grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends, and the like about how no one has the right to touch your child unless the child says it's okay.
I know people like to take this out of proportion and bring up how kids need to be carried sometimes to get in the car, be lifted in chairs, hold hands when crossing the street, etc.
That's not what this is about.
This is about that trope of Grandma getting up in your face with sticky lipstick cracking in between seasonally dry lip crevices demanding a "KISS FOR YOUR GRANDMA". Of course it's well-intended, and we all have to sit through uncomfortable situations in our lifetime, but there's a fine line between a child feeling a little awkward experiencing a social rite of passage for the first time (no one's first handshake is perfect) and a child feeling physically uncomfortable and exposed.
Sexual child abuse is a thing, and with a culture that embraces big hugs and kisses from family members, I can't help but reflect on my own childhood experiences, ones that I know several of my friends and even my mother remember similarly experiencing in their youth.
I'll say it was a family friend who asked me to come say hi and give him a hug when I was 16, which I, of course, did, and when I pulled back he held me by his side with his arm around my waist and his face in mine for 5-10 minutes asking me about school, if I had a boyfriend, where I wanted to go to college, and the like. He proceeded to ask my brother similar questions, appropriately, from across the table.
I went home feeling deeply violated and frustrated that my brother gets to go to every holiday and celebratory dinner not having to anticipate the kind of touching I do. Outside of making anyone feel uncomfortable, I'm not even a touchy person to start with. All of my friends know I don't like hugging and want to keep my personal space perimeter well-established.
Seeing articles that address moments discussed above make me more and more excited to bring children of my own into the world one day. We're getting better at being honest with ourselves and holding the world accountable for each others' actions. We read the implications behind people's behavior and ask ourselves whether it's appropriate to let the cycle of behavior continue.
I know some people are huge touchers, and that's just how they show love, but I will not act like the line doesn't exist between giving a family member a hug and having that same family member feel like they have the right to touch your ass.
No one wants to make someone feel awkward in the moment, so the more often this conversation becomes public, the more easily they can check themselves before having to get red-faced in front of the family.
