When I was little, adults were like a foreign species to me. The things they said and did made absolutely no sense to me.
Why did adults get excited over things like coupons, cleaning and discounts? I thought you were supposed to get excited about toys, Twinkies and restaurant arcades.
Why didn't they bounce off the walls when we got to go to McDonald's? Why would they rather read a book by themselves than play in the McDonald's play area?
Why did they get excited about sleeping late on weekends? You're supposed to get up as early as possible; that's when the best cartoons come on!
However, now that I've assimilated into this weird adult world, I've learned that adults aren't lifeless and boring; we just get excited about different things.
Here are 11 epic childhood wins and their college equivalents:
1. When your mom lets you get a box of Capri Suns at the store
Splash Cooler was the best flavor, full stop.
College equivalent: When your bank account lets you get a bottle of Chardonnay
I can't spell it, but I can drink it!
2. When that $20 allowance hits your Barbie wallet
I felt like a queen carrying that thing around!
College equivalent: When that direct deposit hits your account
Until you have to pay bills and you're left with $20 to spare. Try saving it in a Barbie wallet!
3. When you find out your favorite restaurant has a gumball machine
The gum was more exciting than the food!
College equivalent: When you find out your favorite restaurant has a student discount
Now if they could implement student discounts on existing, that would be great.
4. When you don't have any homework that day
I miss the days where homework wasn't an every day hassle.
College equivalent: When you finish your homework before 1:00 a.m.
That would be so nice!
5. When you get to play with the rainbow parachute in P.E.
I could live inside that thing!
College equivalent: When you have the entire gym to yourself
It's so nice to be able to do as many squats as you want without the athletic boys bugging you about how many sets you have left.
6. When your mom lets you go to your friend's birthday party
I could never sleep the night before; I was too excited!
College equivalent: When your friends don't get mad at you for wanting to stay in
Books can be fun, too.
7. When the word "explore" is just a bonus word on your spelling test
If it was more than five letters, then it was a 'no' from me.
College equivalent: When the research paper mentioned in the syllabus is just for extra credit
Ain't nobody got time for that!
8. When your mom lets you skip your nap
How was I supposed to take a nap when there was a SpongeBob marathon on TV?
College equivalent: When you actually have time for a nap
One can only dream.
9. When you get to have pizza for dinner
Pizza was my own little slice of Heaven!
College equivalent: When you have enough money to buy healthy food for dinner
It's not as exciting as pizza, but your body will thank you later.
10. When school is canceled and you get to catch up on cartoons
I miss the days where I didn't have any responsibilities to ignore!
College equivalent: When class is canceled and you get to catch up on homework
Or run away from it - no one's judging.
11. When you find an open swing on the swing set
Because you know a first grader is going to try to steal it from you.
College equivalent: When you spot an open computer in the computer lab
Because you know a STEM major is going to try to steal it from you to "type their lab report."
Christmas and New Year gift card
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butter cookies on plate
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